Why is stepparent adoption, the most common form of adoption? Why is it that so many parents just simply give up on the children that they created, and in many cases parented for a significant amount of time?

Besides writing for this blog, I also run a stepparent support group. Time and time again I hear stories of frustrated parents doing everything that they can to see a child, who is being withheld, or being used as a tool against the non-custodial parent. And on the other side of the issue, time and time again, I see parents who just simply give up. Who no longer wish to fight for their children, and even worse, who see having to deal with the child as a burden. Parents, and stepparents complain about long drives, costly plane tickets, and child support payments. So many families who would rather the child simply disappear, than put the extra effort into being a part of that child’s life, their child’s life.

Now, I am quite aware that not every parent simply gives up and walks away. I know that there are custodial parents out there who do everything in their power to make it so that the non-custodial parent cannot see the child for one reason or another. I know of countless families doing everything that they can, fighting year round with costly lawyers and court appearance after court appearance in the hopes of seeing the child perhaps once or twice a year. These are the parents whom I commend. Who no matter what the circumstances climb, and move preverbal mountains in order to see or have some sort of contact and bond with their child. Who will let nothing stand in the way of the love that they have for their child.

But why is it, and how is it, that so many parents can simply just walk away from the child that they once loved and created. And in many instances, at one time, living altogether under one roof, as a loving family. Do they simply lose interest in their child? Does the distance between parent and child hinder their relationship? Does the cost and inconvenience of seeing the child, outweigh the love and responsibility that the parent has for his or her child? I do not know the answers. I see the daily struggles on both sides of the issue. I live the issue, having adopted my stepson after his mother walked out on him at the age of eleven.

Stepparent adoption seems to be coming more and more common. As the normal family unit strays from a nuclear family, to a blended one, the rate of stepparent adoption seems to rise as well. But the questions as to why one parent can be so seemingly easily replaced, or so easily detached from the child continue to remain.