Some children have an inborn, amazing ability to cope with life. They accept what life has handed them and go about their merry way living what they have been dealt to the fullest. Children who have been adopted by their stepparent at a very young age, who grew up knowing their stepparent as ‘mommy,’ or ‘daddy’ tend to have an easier time adjusting to their adoption, as well as being abandoned by one of their biological parents.

When children never had an established relationship with one of their biological parents, it is easier for them to move on and accept the new parent as his or her own, or ‘real’ parent. While I despise using the term ‘real,’ children think in concrete terms, and until they are adults they tend to view things as black and white. They may wonder about the parent who chose not to be in their life, but accept the fact because they have a mom or dad who has always been there, which can greatly help to take the sting out of being abandoned.

This is not to say that these children will not grow up to have issues with adoption, or that they have not been emotionally effected by their adoption. They simply have been able to accept what has happened and processed it well enough in their own little minds for their adoption to not be an issue for them. They may have issues later on in life, that they will have to work through, but as children they seem to be blissfully unaware of the emotional complications that adoption can cause.

Even children who had a relationship with their non-custodial parent before being adopted by their stepparent can move on and accept their adoption, as well as their stepparent with little issue. For some children the adoption is a step in the healing process. They had an unstable beginning in life, and are emotionally strong enough to reach out and accept the next step in their lives as a positive one, and not get caught up in the emotional vortex of ‘what could have been.’

While many of the articles here focus on how to handle issues related to adoption, there are children out there who are quite happy to be adopted by their stepparent and do not go through all of the emotional ups and downs that can consume the life of an adoptee. Perhaps the pain of feeling abandoned by a biological parent is lessened for adopted stepchildren since they still have a biological parent who is still in their lives on a daily basis.

Even though my stepson was thrilled to be adopted, and even brought the public notice to school to show his teachers and friends, he still had a lot of issues pertaining to abandonment. Already insecure over their constantly tumultuous relationship, continuously blaming himself for his mother’s mistakes, he was too emotionally stunted too see past his own grief and self-blame. Once he was able to heal his emotional wounds, gain some security in who he was as a person, and realize that his mother abandoning him was in no way shape or form his fault, he was able to grow emotionally and begin to feel empathy, and see the situation from more than just his point of view.

While his emotional scars stunted his ability to cope with the situation, there are many children out there who do not carry the emotional scars of being abandoned by their birth parent with them on a daily basis. They are secure in who they are, and where they fit into their family, and are able to not only accept life as it is, but embrace it. While there are children out there who have a hard time with the reasons surrounding their stepparent adoption, there are also plenty of children who are more than happy to accept a new parent into their lives and let go of the past.