This post is continued from Part One

While it can be easy for parents to become frustrated, especially when they feel as though they are doing everything right, yet the child still seems to be resistant, it is important to remember that they are not resistant because they do not like, or even love, their new

Emotional walls can go up in an instant but can take months or even years to tear down

parent, they are more scared that the new parent does not love or like them, or that in time they will leave the child, just as the child has experienced in the past. When children seem the least receptive to their adoptive stepparents, is actually when they need their adoptive stepparents the most. They are going to test their new parent, they want to see if they can in effect, make the new parent go away, or dislike them, just as they did with their biological parent. Even though it is never the child’s fault for a parent walking away, they have no other logic, no other reasoning in their still growing brains, but to blame themselves and see themselves and or their actions for the cause of their birth parent leaving them.

Pulling away from your adopted stepchild will always in the end, cause more harm than good for the relationship between the two of you. The child will assume that the parent cannot be trusted, and will hold back their own emotions from the parent, just as the parent has done from the child. Even when the child is acting out, parents should never punish the child by restricting the child from time spent with the parent(s). A child, especially one whom has been abandoned needs to know that even when they are not acting as they should, they are still loved by their parents. It is the behavior that the parent(s) dislikes, not the child, but by pushing the child away emotionally the message that is sent is that it is the child whom is disliked.

While it can be hard to wait for strong bonds to form, and to be patient when a child is slow to trust, the payoff of sticking it out through thick and thin, and showing a child exactly what unconditional love truly means is absolutely amazing. For one day everything will ‘click’ for the child. They will begin to see that no matter what they have done, good or bad, their adoptive stepparent has stood by them, has loved them, and has never shunned away from them, and this is what will make all the difference in the world for the child. Their logic and reasoning that they can make a parent go away or no longer love them will be disproved. Not only will this allow them to bond completely with their adoptive stepparent, but it will allow them to see, finally, that they did not make their biological parent go away, that they do not possess such a power. The relief of that alone will make an enormous difference in the life of the child.

photo credit yotophoto.com