This was a real fear of my adopted stepson concerning his birthmother when she was still somewhat involved in his life. He had a big fear that for some reason she would show up at his school, take him out and then disappear with him. With her rarely showing up for the visits that were scheduled, we were not sure where this fear came from, but nevertheless it was there, and my husband and I were having a difficult time convincing my adopted stepson that he was safe, and that no one was going to take him away from us.

He did have an unstable childhood bouncing around between caregivers for quite a few years, almost constantly on the move and that may have contributed to his fear. His birthmother may have made a comment about it, or perhaps it was something that popped into his head all on its own, whatever the cause was it was a real fear. Even though we lived within walking distance from the school, and I was at the entrance everyday waiting for him to be released he still worried that she would take him away from our home, his home, and his safe place.

Finally we ended up taking the court papers, which showed that my husband had legal custody to the school and had them photocopy the papers and keep the copy in his file. We also explained to the staff a little of our situation and told them that if anyone besides my husband or myself was going to be picking up my adopted stepson that they would have a handwritten note the day before. This helped my adopted stepson to feel much better and safer at school. Once we left the office and headed back to the car, my adopted stepson actually let out a giant sigh of relief, thanked me, and actually had a little bit of a bounce in his step, which was wonderful to see since he had been so timid and fearful for quite some time leading up to our meeting with the office staff.

The fear began to dwindle, and he was able to settle down a little and try to relax, which being a very high-strung child has never been easy for him. While the fear dwindled in him when it came to his birthmother magically appearing and whisking him away somewhere, it was not until we ended up moving that he truly began to relax, heal, and really thrive. Once we moved we noticed a huge change in him. He truly felt safe. I am still not sure what led him to believe that she would try to take him away, he doesn’t talk about it much, and much of the entire ordeal is actually very hard for him to remember at this point.

While I cannot be certain as to where the fear came from, there is a large part of me which feels that he was simply scared that once he was finally happy, once he had finally found a place where he was loved wanted and felt as though he belonged, he was desperately afraid that someone was going to take it away from him. He was terrified that he was going to lose everything that he had come to love.


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