My adopted stepson has always had a low sense of self esteem, as well as a low sense of self worth, stemming from his chaotic childhood. He was shuffled back and forth between homes and caregivers during his formative years, and then later abandoned by his birthmother, and all of it took quite a toll on his view and thoughts on himself.

He has struggled throughout his childhood to take pride both in himself, as well as in his work and accomplishments. Failure never really seemed to bother him, as he felt as though he deserved it, along with the crummy feelings that went along with it. He would revel in the glory and positive attention that he received for a job well done, but seemingly had no issues with any negative attention he received for a poor effort put forth. For him attention was attention, he would take the good when he got it, but genuinely seemed to be more comfortable with the negative attention for quite some time. Although he is highly intelligent, it is almost as though he viewed each success as some sort of fluke, and each failure as the true reality of what he was capable of.

This school year, we encouraged him to join some after school activities both for the social interaction with like-minded peers, as well as for jotting down onto the college applications that he will soon be filling out. He was reluctant about the idea at first, until he discovered that his AFJROTC class had a Drill Team, which meets after school. He signed up and went through the try out process, and I am happy to report that he was given his arm band this afternoon, which signifies to all when he wears his uniform that he is an official Drill Team member!

The pride that he takes in wearing his uniform, learning his commands, and now tossing a mock rifle into the air is amazing, and the confidence that he has in himself and his abilities is steadily growing. Of course his teenage brain is still growing as well, leading him into lazy attitudes, occasional poor grades, and eye rolling, but I hear that all gives way sometime during their thirties.

Now that his pride is growing, some of his decision making skills are following suit. Just this weekend, when given the opportunity to play computer for an hour and then cleaning his room, he opted instead to clean first and then play uninterrupted for the afternoon, a winning outcome for both of us. Later this year he intends to sign up of the ACE Team, an academic trivia challenge between schools, and I am sure that activity will also help his pride and self esteem to grow.

These structured activities have given him a controlled environment to test his skills, to challenge himself and to succeed. Not only has it given him the chance to succeed in the actual activity itself, but he is being accepted by the group, allowing him to succeed socially too. Funny how he didn't see the value in himself, until he was part of a team and allowed himself to truly see his value to others.