Tomorrow’s The Big Day…Again

Tomorrow, along with a few inches of snow and bitter cold that will be waiting for us in the morning; we will have bigger and better things to distract us. Tomorrow is the adoption anniversary for our family. Sometimes referred to as our family birthday, we are all very much looking forward to the day. With the snow coming, my adopted stepson may have the day off from school, which is wonderful! We will be able to be together as a family and celebrate all day long. And while I am not happy about the roads possibly being too slippery and dangerous for us to go out to eat, or even pick up decorations for the house, the idea that we could all be home together to celebrate is enough to trump the nuisances that the snow brings.

We will be celebrating two years as a complete and legal family. When the adoption was first completed I had ordered adoption announcements, and purposely ordered extra ones, so that I would always have a spare lying around too pull out and look at, or tone day make a framed collage out of. Just before sitting own to write this, I pulled one out of the file cabinet, still in pristine condition, has not even been folded over into a card for the first time. Looking at the card, reading the poem on the front, and the inscription inside, always fills me with so many emotions.

We have had a tough road, both before and after the adoption. My adopted stepson had had a very unstable early childhood, and that coupled with the eventual abandonment by his birthmother had left him emotionally traumatized, confused, and angry. He had a lot of emotions inside, and lucky for me, I was the one whom he felt safest with to let all of those angry and hurtful emotions out onto. Over time I learned not to take the emotional attacks personally, and to sit back and realize that he was simply trying to gain control over his own life, and the only way that he knew how, the only coping mechanism that he had, was to act out in every way possible. For a time it did put a strain on our relationship, but I never gave up, and after a few years of tears, anger, and lots of therapy, things one day just seemed to be better. It was as though everything finally had clicked for him, he was safe, we were safe, it was okay to be happy, it was okay to be LOVED.

Reading the adoption announcement fills my eyes with tears each and every time, but especially now. Now that I can look back on all of the hardships that we have been through and over come, now that I see what our family has been, and what it has changed into, it fills my heart with pride, with joy, and with unending love. Had I not stuck it out, I would have been left with only the memories of hurtful words and actions, of distant and strained relationships. But by being a relentless mom, whom refused to give up on the love that she had in her heart for her child, and the love that she knew was trapped inside of him, I am not left with only the bad to look back on, I am left with the bad as a distant memory, and so much good to recall, and so much happiness and joy to look forward to.

And funny enough time usually flies by for me. I am always amazed at how quickly it passes, and how long ago fresh memories were first engrained into my head from the experience. But now as I read, and reread the adoption announcement I am stunned every time I read the date. It just doesn’t seem to click in my head that he has only been my legal son for two years. That just can’t be right, I keep thinking to myself, and I check and recheck the date on the card. It just doesn’t feel like only two years, and that I believe is because even with the hardships, even when things were strained and I was at my absolute wits end, in my heart he was still my son. Tomorrow may mark the day that the legal proceeding took place and finalized the adoption, but he has been my son for so much longer, he has truly been my son all along.

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