There has been a lot of talk on the adoption.com forums about allowing contact after a stepparent adoption goes through, for biological parents whom have been in the child’s life, but are willingly signing over their parental rights to their children. When children have an established bond with an uninvolved parent, it can be a difficult call as to if the relinquishing parent should still be allowed contact with the child or not.



In some cases, the non custodial parent has an unstable lifestyle, and is signing over his or her rights because he or she realizes that it is in the children’s best interest. While they still love their children, they do not or seemingly cannot change their way of life so that they can be a constant and positive influence on their children’s lives. While willing to sign over legal responsibility to the child, the parent may be reluctant to let contact with the child go, insisting on remaining in the children’s lives. If the TPR has already occurred, it will be completely up to the biological, and adoptive stepparent as to if the relinquishing parent has any contact at all.

If the child has a very strong bond with the non custodial parent and their relationship is an emotionally healthy one, than allowing some form of contact after the adoption would be beneficial to the child. However, if the relationship between the child and the non custodial, or relinquishing, parent is a toxic one, than it would not be in the child’s best interest for their relationship to continue. Contact should be allowed for closure purposes, but afterwards contact should be cut. While it is hard for a child to lose a biological parent, and is a traumatic experience, it is not fair for them to have to endure emotional abuse from a toxic relationship.

Some adoptive stepfamilies may consider looking into information on open adoptions. This is something that is commonly practiced in domestic infant adoptions. The family and the birth parent agree to an arrangement on some form of contact. It can be visits with the child, once a month, every three months once a year, each family is different, or the biological parent receiving update letters and pictures again on a time scale that is agreed to upfront. While the open adoption agreement can not be upheld in court and is merely a good faith agreement between the two parties, it is important for both sides to stick to whatever has been agreed to.

Contact should never be cut with the other parent; simply because the adults do not care for one and other, of have a falling. It is important to remember to always put the children, and what is in their best interest first. Just because the relationship between the adults may get strained, does not mean that the children should suffer. When the issue of contact with the relinquishing parent comes up, it is extremely important for the adults to put themselves and their feelings towards one and other aside and truly do what is in the best interest of the child. If contact is cut out of anger or resentment from one parent towards another the child or children will grow up to one day resent the parent whom cut off contact. Severing a parent child relationship is a traumatic experience for a child, and must truly be done in order to protect the child, and not simply for the adults to rid themselves of someone they consider an annoyance.