Again on the adoption.com forums, this is a hot topic. Some lawyers require that the child be told before they will go forward with a stepparent adoption case, some families get pressure from friends and family members, and some parents are simply not sure as to when the right time to ‘reveal’ to the child that he or she is adopted should be. Some feel that waiting is best, while others want things out in the open as soon as possible, and are just unsure as to how best to get it out on the table.

Letting a child know that he or she has been adopted is a very scary ordeal for the parent, and it is okay for the parent to be nervous about it. The child does not have to be sat down and have every little piece of information shoved down his or her throat about the adoption, no matter what the child’s age is. The younger the child, the shorter the conversation should be. Young children have short attention spans, as well as a limited ability to understand adoption and child reproduction, coupled with a need for more time to process the information. Children need to be able to think on the information for a bit, and will usually ask questions on their own after some time and thought has been allowed.

Using pictures of the biological parent, or his or her family, is a great way to introduce a child to his or her biological past. Going through old photo albums and pointing out who’s who can get the ball rolling. Letting the child know that this was the daddy that helped to make you, or to put you in mommy’s tummy can start to introduce them to the idea that there is another person involved in their history. Reading books about adoption, or watching movies about adoption can help to get the child used to the idea of adoption before the parents begin to talk about the child’s own adoption.

If the parents are very nervous about speaking to the child, it is best to practice to a mirror, or even one of the child’s toys until the parent feels confident enough to speak with their child about adoption.

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