There is a wonderful little list on adoption.com that has ten tips on speaking with your child about his or her adoption. The list gives some great suggestions on not only what to say, but more importantly how to say it. If you are thinking about talking with your child about his or her stepparent adoption, and not quite sure how to approach the subject, or if you should approach the subject, stop by this list and check it out. One of the tips that I thought was extremely important was tip number seven, which reads:

Don't wait for questions. Kids may not know how to put their questions into words.

Many families, who are unsure as to how or when to bring up the subject of adoption to their child, eventually decide to wait for the child to ask about it on their own. They feel that once the child is old enough, he or she will begin putting the pieces together, such as remembering bits and pieces about their missing birth parent, or perhaps realizing that there are no baby pictures of themselves with one of their parents, and begin to ask questions about it. However, if children have no reason to truly suspect that they were adopted by one of their parents, adoption is not an explanation that is going to jump into their little minds very quickly, if at all. Even if they have been told in the past about their adoption, it is important for the parents to bring the subject of adoption up from time to time to their child, to make sure that the child doesn’t have any unanswered questions pertaining to their adoption lingering about in his or her head. Many times it is the child who is waiting for the adults to take the lead when it comes to discussing adoption, and if the parent is assuming the same of the child, well then no one is going to be doing anything other than waiting on the other party to speak up!

Adoption can be a hard topic for children to ask questions about. Many children feel that by asking questions about their birth parent, they are being disloyal to their adoptive stepparent, especially if the child senses that adoption is not a subject that his or her parents are comfortable speaking about. This is why it is important for the adults to take the lead and make sure that their children know that it is okay to ask questions about adoption, about the child’s birth parent, and about the extended family of the birth parent that is no longer in the child’s life. If the child sees that his or her parents are ready, willing, able, and most importantly comfortable with speaking about their child's adoption, eventually he or she will feel comfortable enough with adoption to begin to ask questions about it on his or her own, without any prompting from the adults.

To read the rest of the list on talking with your child about adoption, please click on How To Talk To Children About Adoption.


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