February 7th, 2008
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Three years ago today a judge sitting in his chambers finally put his signature on a stack of papers that had been sitting in his inbox for more than a week. Of course for the better part of that time, the judge had been on vacation, so I suppose in hindsight I could cut him some slack for taking his sweet time in finalizing our adoption!

Roughly three times a day, for roughly two weeks my voice was a fixture over the phone lines at our local courthouse, desperately wanting to know if he (the judge) had put his signature at the bottom of our paperwork, making our adoption official, all of the woman who worked at the office had come to know my voice, and after a few days I no longer had to introduce myself before they would politely tell me that he still had not signed our paperwork and brought it out of his office to be filed.

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Then finally, three days after he had actually signed them, he brought them out of his office, and after the woman got back on the line after putting me on hold so that she could check ‘one last time’ for me, she excitedly told me the good news, congratulated me, and hung up, most likely relieved that I would no longer be calling and bugging them every few hours of the day. Seriously I was a pain. I knew our case number by heart, the judge’s name, every office employee’s name, the courthouse phone line numbers, all three of them, the department extensions, you name it, I memorized it!

Tonight we celebrated our Forever Family Day, by having a relaxing family dinner of pizza in front of the television while engrossed in the Disney movie, Meet The Robinsons. It was a cute movie, and both boys seemed to enjoy it. It definitely wasn’t Disney’s best movie, but it was cute nonetheless. We had originally planned on going out to dinner this evening, but the cold, driving wind persuaded us to stay inside and let dinner come to us.

It’s been a great day, and we had a lot of fun sitting together as a family and watching a movie. We usually do not eat with the TV on, so getting to sit downstairs in mommy and daddy’s room eating pizza AND watching a movie was just pure heaven for the kids! Now they are quietly munching on their special cookies that daddy picked up for them before heading off to bed, and I have a moment to steal away for myself and reflect on how lucky I am to have such wonderful kids, and that I am truly blessed to be able to be a mom to both of them!

18 Responses to “Three Years Ago Today…”

  1. elisabethgrace16 says:

    I’m about to get married to a man who has two amazing children. He has full custody of the children. Their birth-mother is supposed to be paying child support, but has not paid a dime. She also has not seen them in at least 3 years. When we get married I want to adopt them. Do you recommend using a lawyer? If no are their any do-it-yourself resources that you recommend? I would like to try and do it without a lawyer. Thanks…any advice is welcome.

  2. messingerfamily says:

    Elisabethgrace-Tomorrow I will be adopting my step sons that i have raised for five years as their only mother figure. It’s not as difficult as it seems, we did get a lawyer but abandonment laws are pretty strict in AZ and 6 months with no contact is considered abandonement, even if the birth mother was to protest the adoption , it is almost certain that she would would have her rights severed. She would have to have had a great excuse to as why she hasn’t seen her children in three years, like being kidnapped or something extraodinary that kept her from them. Which I am sure isn’t the case.
    good luck to you and if you have any questions contact me!

  3. jrcike says:

    i read on here that AZ laws state that 6 months with no contact is child abandonment, well does anyone know about missouri laws? i have a husband who would like to adopt my first child in which her biological father has not contacted her in 10 months and counting, will the state of missouri revoke his parental rights so that we can legally adopt?

  4. jrcike says:

    julie, if you are online do you have any answers for me?

  5. lorisam7879 says:

    Do I ever remember that day. All of the hard work, getting the biological father to sign over his rights (what a fight), completing the papers, neverending calls to the lawyer. Then the day had finally came and the judge was behind so we waited outside for hours! We were so relieved when it was over, and it was all worth it!
    Lori

  6. Meghan says:

    I am looking for some encouragement! I have been married to the man that has served a father figure to my 8 year old son since he was 3 weeks old for a year now. We have asked the biological father to sign the consent for adoption and he will not return my phone calls now. He has never paid child support or contacted us. He has always known where my mom lived anmd his mom has known nwhere I worked. I have spoken with my lawyer and have filed a petition in the court and he will be served this week for abandonment. I am so scared that things are going to drag on and on. Anyone have any advice?

  7. lady_t_bird28 says:

    When I married my husband 10 yrs ago, he wanted to adopt my 3 kids right away,sence my kids didn wanted any contact to there abussive father, i would not let them talk, to young anyway, I got him to sign the parental papers , by telling him,hey u dont have to pay 1500 a month if u sign ,and u will not see them anyway, it worked he sign and 2 month later the adoption was done. and I dont have to worry about that man anymore.

  8. lady_t_bird28 says:

    Question , does anybody knows how I get new Birthcert, for my kids?
    Ex took them all.were in Texas

  9. mescamilla says:

    my husband and i live in california and we would like to know how we can go about him adpoting my son…we heard it can be done by a paraleagal…is this true??? we can not afford to hire an attorney…my sons biological father has been in and out of prison most of his adult life and the last i heard he was deported out of the country…how would this work? can anyone help????

  10. cyndee46 says:

    I remember this feeling, 18 years ago I was doing the same thing, I remember how anxious I was and how much love I had in my heart for this little beautiful girl. Wow now it has been 18 years, a divorce, and me being a single mother for 14 years. Now I am alone as she is with her father and biological mother, yes you heaard it right her biological father and biological mother are together and they have my baby, who is having a baby and Im completely cut out, how does this happen, who does this? I miss her, I love her and I would die for her but I done my job and now they get the rewards.

  11. amyh228 says:

    I need help, and I am not even sure where to begin. I was a single mother for 9 years, but I am now married to a wonderful man for a year and a half. We have been together for 3 years, and he has taken on the roll as father! I have never received child supporr, and my son’s biological father has NEVER had any contact with him. My husband wants to adopt my son. Does anyone now if I am going to have to get the biological father’s consent? We have not contacted a lawyer yet because we are not even sure where to begin! Thanks for any advice!!

  12. adean777 says:

    If any one can help it would be so great! I have a 4 y/o son who’s biological father has NEVER had any contact with him. In fact after I had given birth I thought I would be nice and at least call and tell him that my son was born and he told me ” Thats nice my girlfriend had a bad so I have to go ” and then hung up. I went and tried to get support and the state did a D.N.A test and it proved he was the biological father but he insist I rigged the test. I have been married since July 2007 but my husband has been helping raise my son as his own since he was 6 months old. I contacted the courts in Lorain county and they have sent me out a packet of paper work to fill out. We are both completely confused with all the wording and we really don’t have the money for a lawyer. If we could just get some help on how to fill the paper work out or any lawyers who will help fill it out for cheap it would be great. We have even called legal aid and they said they don’t help with these kind of cases> We are lost and I nor my husband can take the torment the biological father is putting us thur with treats of taking OUR son away from us and saying things like ” Well I figure if I have to pay for the d@mn thing I might as well get to play wit it” and believe me he don’t pay his support the last payment he made was in May 2009 and that was taken out of his tax return. He has even switch jobs so that he does not have to pay . PLEASE WE ARE BEGGING ANY ONE TO HELP!!!

  13. krissys says:

    I have so many unanswered questions about this whold step parent adoption process…I’ve gone to my local self help center in ca and even they don’t know the answers and I don’t know if I could afford an attorney. Someone please give me any type of insight here. I have to daughter that will be turning 3 and 4. I divorced their bio dad when they were 3 and 15months old. Since they were that young my new husband has taken the role of daddy. He has been with them everyday since then and has financially and emotionally supported my daughters. To them that is their daddy and they love him very much. We now have a one year old together and are enjoying beng a united family with our kids but we are looking to make it official. since my divorce with the bio dad he has moved away at first the girls saw him once every four months for 30 mins and in between times never called. The last time the girls saw him was last year in october and that was it. I have no address and no phone number for him the girls never called him daddy either. He occasionally gave me 150 every few months when he was suppose to give 1009. That has stopped too. I have full physical and legal custody of the girls since I was able to prove he was an unfit parent and abusive to me. He is also illegal. I just married mr. right this feb and I’ve heard you have to be married a year before you can file for the adoption but then again I can’t get a straight answer. Even if you have to be married a year can an exception be made because like I said the girls will be 3 and 4 here and he was with them from 3 and 15 months old. Also is the process different because the bio dad is illegal? He also has another child with someone else that he doesn’t support…will that help my case. I would like to get this adoption process done before my kids start school I don’t want to confuse them by telling them this is your old name and this is your new last name. They are to little for that and my 3 year old already loudly announces her full name (with stepdads last name). No one has told her to say it she hears his name and assumes her daddy and her have the same name. Please someone help with my dilema thank you very much!

  14. spbratton says:

    There was an excellent conference at Grace family Baptist Church regarding adoptions recently. You can pick up the audio here: http://tinyurl.com/y6cr4lo. It is WELL worth the money. Also, you can pick up a copy of Russell Moore’s book, adopted for life.

  15. nysunshine1977 says:

    HI everyone i have a daughter turning 14 this june… she keeps asking that my husband who has been in her life since she was 2 to adopt her (been married 7 of those 12 yrs)… she still has contact with her father but he has hurt her so many times and says she is tired of his crazy ways (he is currently on the run from paying support) he is continually putting me down and lieing to her about me and she knows it she is so tired of hearing it she refuses to give him her phone number and has asked several times in the last few weeks if my husband would adopt her. i asked her why and she says “tht he has been there more than my biological father and i really want to be able to call my step siblings my real sisters and brothers. and i want to change my name i dont want his name anymore. ”
    so as the mother how do i know when the right time is to let her do this my husband is willing idk if her father will be probally not but perhaps if it aleviates his paying support… i am not sure how to respond to this and i have no idea where she came up with this idea. i do see her point but i want to make sure she really wants this before i let her make this choice… any thoughts on this situation?

  16. celticwolf1969 says:

    I would love to know what I need to do to adopt my step son. His birth mother abandoned him when he was 4 months old. He hasnt seen her since he was a year and a half. He is 15 now. I love my step son with all of my heart. I even call him my son instead of stepson. Anyway, I was wondering how much it would cost and do I have to get her permission to adopt him? According to the courts she has joint custody but has NEVER seen him.

    I feel very close to my step son and I would love to be his mother. I am hoping that I can get some helpful information. Thank you.

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