e-mail
Sweetheart, honey, kiddo, baby, sport, and buddy. These are just a few of the nicknames, and terms of endearment that parents, all over the country, call their children each and every day. Usually starting at birth, where ‘baby’ becomes a term of endearment for the new addition to the family, the terms, and names for the child continue to grow and change as the child does, but the love, and the special meaning behind those little names are not lost on the child.
In most cases of stepparent adoption, unfortunately for the stepparent, he or she has come into the family picture, much later in the stepchild’s life. The adoptive stepparent has not been afforded the luxury of raising their adopted stepchild from birth. Not having a chance to experience those early years of learning, growing and bonding together. This lack of early experiences with each other, not only means that the initial parent child bond will be weaker, than with the remaining biological parent, but can also mean that the adoptive stepparent does not have a special term of endearment, or nickname for the adopted stepchild, and simply always calls their adopted stepchild by name, and name alone. This can lead the adopted stepchild to feel distance between him or herself, and the adoptive stepparent, especially if the remaining biological parent uses nicknames for the child, or if the parents pass terms of endearment between each other. The adopted stepchild sees these terms as an expression of love from one member of the family, to another. So without a special nickname expressed to the adopted stepchild, by the adoptive stepparent, the child feels that lack of expression of love from his or her adoptive stepparent.
Developing a nickname, or term of endearment for their adopted stepchild can not only help to build a stronger, and more relaxed parent child relationship, but can also bring the parent child bond to a deeper level, as the child begins to feel more loved and accepted by the adoptive stepparent. The more love and acceptance that the adopted stepchild feels from the adoptive stepparent, the more the child will be able to let his or her guard down and return that love and acceptance to his or her adoptive stepparent.
Using these special terms for one and other in a family shows each member of the family that there is comfort with each other, love for each other, and acceptance by one and other. These are all very important feelings for an adopted stepchild to have, especially after having to suffer through the pain of the loss of a birth parent; no matter how uninvolved that birth parent was in the child’s life. Having a birth parent either pass away, or walk away from the child due to lack of interest, is a substantial event in that child’s life, which will cause negative feelings, and insecurities that will stay with that child for his or her entire life.
With the adoptive stepparent giving their adopted stepchild the gift of a nickname, or a special term of endearment, that is used only for the adopted stepchild, they are also giving that child the gift of reassurance of love and acceptance, by the adoptive stepparent, each and every time the adoptive stepparent speaks that special name to their adopted stepchild.
So true….I call my adopted step daughter, who’s 12, “silly girl” or “sweetie” or “hon” and have since she was 4 when I came into her life….it’s amazing how those little terms of emotional outreach can make a huge difference in breaking the ice sometimes. Great article, Julie!