Yes that is right, a pretty pink sunburn all over my adopted stepson is what was finally able to break the invisible wall of uncertainty that the two of us had build up around one and other. I, afraid that he would reject me as his mother figure, withdrew from him in order to protect myself from getting hurt. He, scared that I would not accept him as a true son, held himself away from me, never allowing me a peek inside the real him.

The two of us had become locked into a circle of mistrust, and fear. The two of us, each too fearful to extend the first olive branch of love, forgiveness and acceptance, to the other, began sinking farther and farther away from each other. We found small talk quite difficult, as both of our guards were on such high alert neither one of us had the brainpower left to muster up chitchat.

Our once strong and loving relationship was, and had been for quite some time now, going down the proverbial tubes. I cannot even recall how, or even when, the wall of anger and mistrust had grown between us. I suppose it grew slowly, one brick at a time, as we each made mistakes, thus building the wall higher as to not be hurt again. Although it made life extremely awkward, the wall between us had snuck in so well, and ingrained itself into our daily lives, that I believe neither one of us knew how to get out of it. This horrible cycle had simply become our way of life. How were we to change our entire way of life, the sounds of it alone is overwhelming.

I had began to give up m hope of repairing our relationship, resigning myself to the idea of awkward moments and interactions until he left the house, from where on he would no longer contact us. With such a vividly bleak, and heartbreaking picture that I, myself, had ingrained into my mind, made me feel as though all hope was lost, and things would never again be like they had once been, not so many years ago.

Smart as a whip as always, he spent this past Wednesday along with all the other honor roll children, at an exclusive pool party just for them, as a reward for their excellent grades. And being his typical self he decided against protecting his body from the sun with sun block, and hopped into the chilly opening day water.

I looked up as I entered the house, returning from a doctor’s appointment, seeing my son standing there in his boxers, because his entire body was bright pink. Although he has all dark features, he has Irish in his background, and just as his father, and little brother, had extremely fair, sensitive skin. I do keep a nice sized bottle of Aloe Jell in the refrigerator for just such occasions, and figured he would rub himself down to make his skin feel better.

But to my utter disbelief shock and amazement, after explaining how the pool party had went, he looked at me and asked me if I would rub the lotion on his back and shoulders. I was absolutely floored, but without missing a beat I said “sure!” with a smile, as he walked towards the kitchen to retrieve the bottle. I had so many emotions running through me as I sat there, letting it really sink in that Mr. Hates To Be Touched had just asked me to not only touch him, but rub his back. Something happened in that moment, I don’t know what, why or how, but my guard began to drop. The interaction between the two of us began to feel more natural as it flowed easily between us, instead of the awkward, stinted conversations, if you could even call them that, that we had become so used to