My adopted stepson has just finished up his last year of middle school. It is hard to believe that he will be in high school in just a few short months. While our relationship is strained at the moment due to my simply being burned out dealing with behavioral issues on a day-to-day basis, I am doing my best to see this summer vacation as an opportunity to bond with him, and not as a stress ridden few months.

While his behavior is always better when he does not have to deal with the stress of school, since he has poor social skills, and is an easy target for bullies, he can still become passive aggressive very easily. To his credit though, the past few weeks he has been behaving very well, and truly seems to be trying to make a turn around with his actions, as well as his life.

I had written him a letter a few weeks back, explaining my feelings to him, and why I act the way that I do towards him when he acts certain ways. I did not blame him for anything, but instead explained my side of it, so that he would understand why I sometimes back away from him and become distant. That letter has helped greatly, more than any face-to-face talk that we have ever had. He seems to be more of a visual learner, so having the letter to read really seemed to be better for him, rather than a long talk, or lecture.

My husband has also been making a great effort, as well as myself, to be a more positive parent. We are doing our best to focus on the positives, and build him and his self-esteem up, instead of harping on the negatives and the mistakes that he has made. This has really seemed to help as well. I will admit that it has been hard for me to let my guard down yet again, and open myself and my heart to him, and be vulnerable again to the incredible pain and heartache that he can so easily create if he so chooses to.

I have decided that this shall be the summer of family, and togetherness. We will all become closer, even if it kills us! My adopted stepson has done his best throughout the years to alienate himself from the family, due to his extreme fear of rejection. However, with him being in counseling, as well as the rest of us, things finally seem to be turning around, and I believe that he finally is beginning to see himself as someone who is worthy of receiving love.

Ever since I have written the letter to him, he has been more open to touch, as well as affection. He has come up to me almost on a daily basis, just for a hug, which is not something that he has normally done in the past. He has always been hesitant of physical touch, and that compiled with several other symptoms has led three professionals to believe that he has been sexually abused as a young child.

To see him begin to come out of his shell, and begin to love, as well as accept love is a wonderful thing. I am hopeful that our relationship will be able to go back to the close bond that we once shared with one and other. Having him home during the summer will give both of us a chance to work on our relationship, and I hope that building our relationship back up, is on his mind, as least a portion of what it is on my mind. He may never be the cuddly, affectionate child that most parents dream of, but a child whom simply is able to trust others enough to share thoughts and feelings with is all that I desire from him.