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I had written a few posts on the dangers, as well as the damage caused by adoptive stepparents not trying to bond with their adoptive stepchildren, or giving up too soon on establishing a bond with 
them. There were many times in my own situation where I was so fed up, heartbroken, and too tired to want to continue trying to form a closer bond with my adopted stepson.
If I had a nickel for every time I called my mom either in tears of grief, or frustration, exclaiming, “I give up, I just can’t do this anymore…” well then, I wouldn’t have to write these articles, my husband wouldn’t have to work such long hours and we would be retired, living somewhere in a nice cushy mansion! And while all I was doing was venting my frustrations on the phone so that I COULD continue to build our relationship, there were in fact, many times where doubts began to creep into my mind as to if it would actually happen, or if I would truly be able to stick it out to long enough to see it happen.
My adopted stepson had had a lot of turmoil in his short life, and a lot of let downs from trusted adults, parents, and family. Many people whom should have stayed in his life has simply walked out, disappearing without so much as a goodbye, let alone an explanation as to why they were, or had to leave. Trust was a huge issue for him, and he tested the limits, and pushed every button known to man, including several that he put on the map all by himself!
Yet each time I felt as though I was at the end of my rope, I found myself staying up late, sometimes all night, researching on the computer, looking for answers, support, guidance, anything that would help our situation to get better, something that would show me the right path to take, something that would help us to obtain the close bond that we once shared. Initially we had a wonderful bond with one and other, but after his birthmother left him, he went through a time where he tested and pushed everything. He was sad, scared, angry confused, and I am sure every other emotion in the book, and the only way that he knew to let it out, was to act out, which became quite old, quite quick.
Yet to see him today, to see our family today, you would never know of the turmoil that our family has endured. The child that was once so afraid of physical touch, now comes up and gives the biggest bear hugs imaginable! The child who once hid school work under the couch, under his mattress, and anywhere else it would unnoticeably fit, is now on honor roll, been inducted into the National Honor Society, and been invited to the National Youth Congressional League.
The boy who once hid in his room playing computer games (okay he still loves computer games) or lost in a book, now actively seeks out time to spend with….gasp….his parents! The turn around has been amazing, the effort that he has put into changing his life around, and healing from his past is astounding. And yet, touchingly enough if you try to give him credit for his changes, he smiles, points in my direction and says, “It’s all thanks to her.” Now if that doesn’t make you want to go and grab a Kleenex then I just don’t know what will.
He has seen that through thick and thin, through defiance, destruction, poor grades, lies, and so much more, I have stood by him. Sure I may have yelled, or handled things more poorly than I would have liked to ( hindsight is definitely twenty- twenty) but no matter what the challenge, I rose to it, I stuck by him, and I stuck the situation out. I passed every test that he could throw at me, simply by not leaving him, either physically or emotionally. And that has made all the difference in the world for him. And to see the change in him, this responsible, funny, well behaved young man, has made all the difference in the world to me. There is no greater accomplishment in the world, that to make a difference in a child’s life, even if all that difference is, is to never give up on them.
Photo Credit yotophoto.com
