Court is an intimidating place for adults who know what the legal system is, it can be completely terrifying for younger children who have no idea what judges are, why they are there, and what gives them the power to tell others what they can, and cannot do. When preparing for your stepparent adoption journey, one of the things to make sure to put onto your priority list is to make sure that your child is informed on what to expect when going into the court room.

As my youngest son gets older, we talk more in depth about the fact that his big brother had another mommy when he was younger, and that I adopted him. The last time we touched on the subject, his little five year old face looked up at me and asked "mommy, what's a judge?" He had never really heard the term before, and looked quite puzzled as he tried to figure out if this 'judge' that I spoke of was a person, place, or thing.

So we sat down as I explained to him that just as mommy's and daddy's make rules for kids in order to keep them safe, that judges make rules for mommy's and daddy's to follow so that they too are safe. When kids get into trouble, they are punished by their mom and dad, and when adults get into trouble, they are punished by judges.

When kids want to change a rule, like what time they should go to bed, they talk to their parents about it and explain why they feel they should get to stay up later, the parents then think about the idea and if it is a good decision to make. And just as parents sit and think about how that change would help or hurt the child, and then decide to say yes or no to the child's request, the judge essentially does the same thing. When adults decide that they would like to change something big in their lives, like adopt a child into their family, they have to go and talk to the judge and explain why they want to adopt the child, and how it would affect the child's life, as well as the rest of the family's. The judge will then think about it, and let the parents know if it is a good idea or a bad idea for them. I made sure to throw in there, since he was hanging onto every word and absorbing everything, that court can be scary for people, because just like parents, judges don't always give you the answer that you want to hear.

"ahhh," he said wide eyed, "so they're mean," said not so much as a question, but as a statement of complete understanding, sort of a 'been there done that' moment. Great, thanks a lot, just go ahead and tell me how you feel dear boy. No, judges are not mean, they are incredibly smart, just like mommy, and daddy too...sometimes. Like, if a handsome young lad about the age of five, were to want to have an entire bag of chocolate for dinner, because he loves chocolate and thinks it would be a good idea to eat all of it in one sitting, his incredibly smart mommy would know that even though it would be fun to eat that much chocolate, it would make his tummy sick, so she would say no, not to be mean, but to protect her handsome young boy from feeling horrible all night long. Judges have to do the same, sometimes they have to tell you something that they know you aren't going to like hearing, but they know that it is the best decision to make.

At five he was able to comprehend quite easily that judges are smart people who help make and enforce rules for parents and families. Using the analogy of judges being like 'parents for parents' helped him to see quite well that they were in a position of authority, and parents had to plead their case, and wait to see what the judges decide, just as children do with their own desires and parents.