With the large age gap between our two boys, one would think that they would get along well. One would assume that with the oldest boy being fifteen, and the youngest being four, that they would either be able to find a few things to do together, or that they would ignore one and other for the most part not being able to find common ground. Now we have many days where the boys do not play a lot with one and other, yet there are other days where all they do is fight with each other over absolutely everything! This is not to say that they do not have their moments and times when the interaction between the two of them simply melts your heart, it is just those moments are so very, very rare!

My adopted stepson has always had a hard time getting along with other children. He does well with adults, but he just has never seemed to mesh well with other children. He was lagging behind severely in both emotional and social areas, a few years ago, but with a lot of hard work on both our side as well as his, he has caught up significantly. Yet, when it comes to interaction with other children, he has always been a leader, regardless of what it takes to lead the group, or if the group is looking for one!

Once he feels comfortable in the situation he immediately wants control over it. He wants to take charge and show everyone involved that he is indeed, the one who is in charge. Often times, when he feels that no one is looking, or listening, he will try to bully his younger brother, over just about anything that you can imagine. Now this is not to say that there are not times when the little one can be a pain, or bratty himself, but it seems more times than not, the fighting is over something that could have been avoided, should have been avoided, and was started by the older party involved.

While we are sure that there is a healthy dose of sibling rivalry involved, and that most, if not all, siblings squabble for the sake of squabbling, or simply to show the other sibling who is in charge, we do wonder from time to time if our oldest has resentment towards his younger brother. He has stated on a few occasions how it is unfair that his brother will not have to face the same issues that he had to face. He gets upset at times that his brother gets the stable household that he longed for as a young child, that his little brother has both parents under the same roof, and that he benefits from it in things and situations that my adopted stepson was not afforded as a young child.

Sometimes I think some of this resentment, or jealousy comes out when he thinks no one is looking. That anger is taken out on his brother through control battles, over the silliest things at times. While there are times where they are just fighting for the sake of fighting, there are also times, where there is simply too much anger in his eyes, and emotion in the situation than what is called for. While we continue to talk with him about how his little brother will have his own issues and challenges in life to face as he grows up, and continue to help my adopted stepson to heal with his anger issues over his own past, so far it seems that the best way to stop these control battles and senseless fighting is to makes sure that they are not left alone together for very long amounts of time. I am hopeful that in the future, as they both grow and mature, that they will be able to form a closer relationship with one and other, but for now, instead of hoping for a close relationship, I am more realistic, and simply hope that we get through the day with only minor squabbles. I do not mind the normal sibling stuff, such as fighting over what channel is going to be seen on the upstairs TV, it is when it ends in tears because the eldest smacked the youngest, or yanked his arm, or got physical in anyway with him, or simply chose to elevate a quiet situation for seemingly no apparent reason, that I am not a happy mommy!


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