For many adults, going through a stepparent adoption will be their first experience with the legal system and trying to figure out who should be where to give what information can become very overwhelming for those who are just starting out on their stepparent adoption journey.

You do not want to take your child with you to the lawyer for the first visit, unless the lawyer specifically asks you to. During the first visit you are going to be giving the lawyer all the background information on the case, in adult and detailed fashion you are going to be telling him or her exactly why the child’s non-custodial parent should not be allowed to be in the child’s life, this is just not something that the child should have to go through.

Depending on the variables of your case and state laws, the lawyer may or may not need to meet your child. If your state does not require an adoption hearing, and the non-custodial parent is consenting to the adoption, the lawyer will most likely not ask to meet the child, as it wouldn’t be necessary for him or her to do so in order to complete the stepparent adoption.

Children who do have to meet the lawyer will most likely be nervous about do so. They can become fearful that whatever they say to the lawyer will either make or break the case, that they alone have the power to stop the adoption by accidentally saying the wrong thing. It is important to put those fears to rest by assuring children that every answer they give to the lawyer or the judge is the correct answer; as long as it is the truth!

More often than not children are only asked if they like their stepparent, and if they are happy about the adoption, judges usually do this as a formality, very rarely denying an adoption petition due to a child saying they do not wish to be adopted at the hearing. The judge is going to base his or her decision on all aspects of the situation and what would be best for the child, and not just what any one particular party involved in the adoption wants.

While the child will come to know more details of his or her adoption throughout the years, it is never a good idea to have the child know the whole story at a very young age, there are certain things that children just cannot process and understand until they are older, and burdening them with information that they are not yet ready or capable of understanding is not fair to the child.

Try to make your appointments with the lawyer when the child is at school, cutting out the need for a babysitter. If that is not possible, and a babysitter cannot be reached see if the child can sit in the waiting room, or lobby of the lawyers office. There is usually a secretary up front who can keep an eye on the child and make sure that he or she does not wander off. The appointments are usually about an hour, so the child should have books, video games, or toys to keep him or her entertained for that length of time. Once the details about the non-custodial parent have been told, and things such as what forms and documents will be needed to complete the stepparent adoption need to be discussed the parent could bring the child into the room if he or she is nervous about leaving the child unattended. If both parents are present for the appointment then one parent could sit with the child during the time that it would not be appropriate for the child to be privy to the discussion.

Children should be involved in the stepparent adoption process, but to an age appropriate point. Having the children sit through meeting after meeting with an attorney while everyone speaks about how unfit the child’s non-custodial parent is, simply is not healthy for the child to go through, and should be avoided at all costs!