Recorded phone calls, as well as voice mail messages, can really help you to prove that a parent is unfit, and or unstable, in a contested stepparent adoption case. In cases where Termination of Parental Rights is being sought due to a parent’s drug or alcohol abuse, recorded phone calls between the inebriated parent and the child, can prove to the court how detrimental and damaging it is to the child for this parent- child relationship to continue.
You can record the phone calls by buying a small adaptor that is wired simultaneously to any phone jack in the house, and a mini cassette recorder. When the phone is answered, the mini cassette recorder automatically begins to record the conversation. The recorder will stop once the phone is hung up. It is wise to save all voice mail messages from the abusive or absentee parent, as well. You can record them to cassette, either by using a speaker-phone and holding a cassette recorder next to the speaker while recording, or if you have a voice mail service, you would use the small adapter that can be hooked up to both the phone jack and the recorder, and just dial your voicemail as usual and record the desired message(s). You will be able to hear a difference in the voice and speaking style, as to when the parent is “clean,” and when he or she is not. Belligerent, angry, threatening calls, or voicemails can prove to the courts what an unsafe environment the entire family, but especially the child, is being subjected to, while having to maintain contact with the abusive parent.
Before recording any phone calls, be sure to call your local police station, and ask if you are in a “one party state," or a "two party state,” for recording. In a one party state, only one person, i.e. the person that is doing the recording, legally needs to be aware that the recording is going on. In a two party state, both parties must be aware that the event is being recorded, or the recordings cannot be used as legal evidence. If you are in a two party state, you can begin each call with the abusive or absentee parent with a notice that the conversation will be recorded. But make sure to get yourself on tape stating that the conversation will be recorded, or else you have no way to prove that they knew they were being recorded. You can also try sending a certified letter to the abusive parent, letting him or her know that from this date forward all contact between the two households shall be recorded. Make sure to keep your own copy of the letter for your records, as well as use the "return reciept" or "confirmation of delivery" options that the Post Office offers, so you have proof of the letter being received. The “two party” rule doesn’t apply to voice mail, as a person is willingly and knowingly leaving a recorded message.
If there is still physical contact, even on a limited basis, be sure to always have a witness, and/ or a video camera with you during the exchange of the child. That way you will be able to prove either on film, or by eyewitness, if the parent shows up drunk, fails to show up at all, or whatever altercation that may occur. If you decide to bring a witness with you, make sure ahead of time that they would be comfortable and willing to make a statement in court. There is no sense in having a witness who is too shy to stand up in court and recite the actions witnessed on a particular occasion.