Sometimes in an adoptive stepparent situation, it can be hard for the biological parent to let the adoptive stepparent actually be a parent to the child. Used to being the only one to parent the child, the biological parent may undermine the adoptive stepparent, without meaning to. In other cases, the biological parents have an extremely close relationship with their child, or children from being alone together for a significant amount of time. This can lead the biological parent to become overprotective of the child, or children, feeling as though only he or she is truly fit to parent the child, or children.
If one parent disagrees the other about a decision that has been made, it is important that the parents not argue in front of the child, or children. Arguing in front of children is harmful to them in so many ways, that it simply does not make sense to do to. When one parent overrides the other in front of the child, or children, it takes authority away from the parent whom was overridden. This can be especially damaging to the relationship between a child, and an adoptive stepparent.
By coming into the child’s life later in life, the adoptive stepparent does not have as long of a history with the child, as the biological parent does. This puts the adoptive stepparent at a disadvantage, as he or she must earn the child’s trust, respect, and accepting of the new adult in her or her life not only as an authority figure, but also as a parent. Adoptive parents start and for a time stand on much softer ground as compared to the biological parent whom stands on solid ground in the child’s eyes.
If the biological parent is constantly undermining the adoptive stepparent in front of the child, or children than he or she is causing the children to lose respect for their adoptive stepparent. The child or children will begin to no longer see the adoptive stepparent as an authority figure, and eventually, not even as a parent. This causes considerable damage not only to the relationship between the child and adoptive stepparent, but to the entire household as well, as the child, or children, begins to act out, test and push limits and boundaries, challenging the authority of the adoptive stepparent.
If one parent disagrees with the other, it is always best to discuss the issue quietly behind closed doors, where the children cannot hear. If the parents come to the conclusion that the initial decision should be changed, then they should approach and tell the children together, showing the children that both parents have made the new decision, and are presenting a united front to the child, or children. By doing so, the parents can save themselves a great amount of head and heartache.
Once the adoption has been finalized, the adoptive stepparent becomes the legal parent of the child or children, and it is important that that is recognized by not only the child, or children, but by the biological parent as well.
