'After beating my ex-wife in court in the 1980 Hague Convention procedures that helped me return the children to the Netherlands, I discovered I had won a legal battle but lost my family,'

-Yahoo News

The above quote was stated by Dutch National, Hans, in an interview promoting the use of mediation to resolve custody disputes instead of lengthy and costly legal battles that angrily pit side against side. In the interview Hans shares how the legal battle between himself and his ex-wife broke down communication between the parents, and made resentment grow on all sides, including that of the children. His children resented him for fighting their mother, and once they were returned home to him, he found himself unable to cope.

While his story is unique in the fact that few families have the need to negotiate custody disputes through the Hauge Convention, due to being in different countries, many families can identify with the breakdown in communication, fighting, resentment, as well as all of the other high costs of child custody disputes within the legal system.

Hans sought mediation for his family, and very shortly both he and his ex-wife were able to negotiate a custody agreement that the two of them were very happy with. Mediation can only be successful if all sides are willing to go into it with an open mind, and not have a set goal already established. If you are willing to be flexible and explore different options, mediation can help to negotiate a fast and agreeable custody arrangement between you and your ex-spouse.

Mediation is different than a legal dispute through the courts in that during a court battle each side pleads its case and a third party makes a decision that he or she feels is fair, whereas during mediation the neutral third party helps the two sides to come to their own solution together. A mediator stands by to help give ideas, formal proposals for settlements, help the sides communicate with one another instead of fighting, and to negotiate with each other fairly.

Not only can mediation be used to negotiate a custody dispute, but couples cam start the process one step sooner and use it to negotiate the terms of their divorce. Instead of fighting in court over each and every aspect of their divorce, couples, or ex-couples, can sit down and work everything out in a calm, reasonable, and rational manner, like adults. Who knew?

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