Everyone enjoys getting special little cards and letters in the mail, and this holds especially true when it comes to children. Receiving a card, or a special “thinking of you” or “I love you,” letter makes a child feel very important as well as valued. But cards and letters don’t always have to come through the mail. By getting a little creative, you can show your adopted stepchild just how much you care about him or her, while still giving him or her the privacy to receive that love and special attention alone. This works especially well in the beginning of building a stronger bond, and parent child relationship with your adopted stepchild, when both the adoptive stepparent, and the adopted stepchild may still have trouble communicating feelings towards one and other.

By writing a little letter, or filling out a card that was bought while the child was not around, and slipping it under the adopted stepchild’s door, pillow, or wherever is seen fit, it will let the child know how much his or her adoptive stepparent cares, without having to overwhelm the child emotionally, by being face to face with the adoptive stepparent. Even though the card, or letter, is not going to go through the mail, seal it in an envelope and address it to your adopted stepchild. You can use his or her name, or do something cute like “to the coolest 5th grader I know” or “to the best kid ever.” Something that you know your adopted stepchild will enjoy, and that will also let him or her know that you care. A false stamp can even be colored onto the envelope, which for reasons unknown to me usually leaves children of all ages giggling away.

The envelope can be colored, or even decorated with stickers. Since it isn’t going through the mail, there really is no limit to what you can do to the envelope, decoration wise. The letter itself can even be written on colorful scrapbook paper, perhaps in your adopted stepchild’s favorite color, or a page covered with pictures of his or her favorite animal. The card, or letter does not have to be very long, and the adoptive stepparent does not have to feel pressured to spill his or her preverbal guts to the child. The adoptive stepparent should write whatever he or she is comfortable writing. If the letters and cards become an ongoing routine, than the adoptive stepparent will have plenty of time, and plenty of letters to convey his or her feelings to the adopted stepchild.

If the adopted stepchild has a hard time expressing his or her feelings, he or she can be encouraged to write letters back to the adoptive stepparent, or to the custodial biological parent, whomever the child is more comfortable writing to. Or perhaps the adopted stepchild can alternate writing a letter to each parent. The child may find that getting his or her emotions out onto paper to be very healing, and over time the adopted stepchild will learn how to express his or her emotions without fear, thanks to practice from the letters.

Each family member can even create his or her own mailbox, out of an old shoebox, to leave outside his or her bedroom door. The mailboxes can be created as a family craft, giving the family even more time to bond with one and other, not to mention creating the lasting memories of family moments spent together, having fun.

By dropping little love notes, and cards into your adopted stepchild’s mailbox, or room, from time to time, he or she will get the needed, and necessary reassurance that he or she is a loved, wanted, and valued member of the family, especially to the adoptive stepparent.