In many cases of stepparent adoption the child is not only losing one of his or her biological parents, but half siblings as well. Even when the children do not know one another very well due to the distance between the two or the infrequency of contact, the loss of the relationship that they could have had with each other is a very painful one for the adopted stepchild.

It is important that both the custodial parent, as well as the adoptive stepparent remember that the child is going to grieve the loss of his or her sibling, along with the loss of the biological parent. The parents are going to have to watch the child for signs of emotional distress, and encourage the child to talk about his or her feelings when erratic behaviors begin to surface.

If the child happens to have a picture of his or her half sibling, it is important to allow the child to display the picture in his or her room even after the adoption is completed. While many families would rather move on and consider the adoption a new start, and ‘put the past’ behind them boxing up such items for the child to have later in life, adoption does not change the fact that these two children share the same genes and are siblings. Denying your child the right to have a reminder of his or her sibling around will not help your child to heal from the past, it will only create new and deeper wounds for the child to overcome in life.

If the relinquishing parent has not abandoned the child and his or her location is still known, the families should discuss maintaining some level of contact with each other if half siblings are involved so that the children can have a chance to known one another during their childhood, and create a few childhood memories with each other. It is not uncommon for children to invent memories of their half siblings when contact is cut off after a stepparent adoption.

If parents are unable, for whatever reason, to maintain any type of relationship between the siblings, it is important for the parents to keep the memory of that sibling alive for the adopted stepchild. Especially if the adopted stepchild ends up with new half siblings in their blended family. The initial announcement of a new sibling may trigger memories of the sibling no longer in the child’s life, and the child may need some extra comfort and attention before being in a place where he or she can be happy about having a new baby brother or sister.

If the relinquishing parent was not a very fit parent, the child who is being adopted may have guilt issues over ‘leaving the other child behind.’ Older siblings can worry about their younger siblings much the same as parents worry about their children when they are away, and parents need to be sensitive of this. The child is not simply going to ‘snap out of it’ in a day or two if he is she is mourning the loss of a half sibling. Both the relationship and the loss need to be acknowledged and worked through. If the child is having a difficult time processing the grief and loss of his or her siblings and or non-custodial parent, parents should seek a professional counselor to help the child through the grieving and healing process.