The Mom hides the pregnancy, keeps the dad in the dark until she wants something, his TPR so that her husband can adopt this man's child. Mean and cruel, Dad doesn't even get to know his child, just pay up a huge amount of back child support or sign here. I think there is a special place in the afterlife for people just like her, it is warm there. Thank goodness the child has one caring parent. What a sad story. John

Why does this father feel like he has no place in his child's life? Because the mother created the situation by hiding the pregnancy?
Personally I think a child CAN understand, and love two fathers, I see it in my own family every day. Asking this man to stay away and sign away his evolvement sounds like what is comfortable for the mother and not necessarily best for the child (and father.)
I would encourage this father to get to know his child and not allow this mother to continue to make him believe he has no value to his child.

Great solution Deb. A lot better all the way around than just walking away. John

Ok-my question is regarding the child - did the child have to know he/she was adopted before the adoption could happen or was this child considered too young to know?

My situation is kinda like this - except bio knows about child, refuses to do right by child, my ex husband is the only "dad" my child has known. Now at 12 my ex is wanting to adopt and we have to tell my child. I think this will cause emotional drama - any advice?

I am not sure where to actually post this comment/question, but I hope that someone may be able to help me get in the right direction for answers. I have a beautiful little 6 year old girl, that when she was 3 months old her biological mom walked out. The last time she saw her was when she around a year old and her biological mother and parents acted as though she was a burden. I am now married to the only mother my daughter has really ever known and we were trying to get information on my wife adopting her because I am in the military and may be deployed soon and we wanted to make sure that if anything happened to me that my wife would have no problems later on. Now, after almost 6 years of no calls or mail or any contact, my daughters biological mom decides to call out of no where and start making demands on seeing my daughter. I amnot sure of what to do. I know that she has some rights, but im affraid she is just going to tear my daughters world apart and cause problems for her if I allow her to come around. She has already started lying to my wife and yelling at her on the phone. I would really prefer that she didn't come around or call at all. I am lost as to what to do. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated in this matter.

Mike

My daughter is weeks shy of turning 16, i am
and i am now Happily Married and with two other daughters from my Husband, the Biological father, has been in and out of her life speridocally for many years i married when she was 5 my Husband and I have taken care of her together since then. He and I are now trying to have my Husband legally adopt her, according to him she needs stability and his last name, it turns out my Daughter had been wanting this for many years, she wanted this for a long time, to my surprise it was her that asked me to do something so that DAD and I can all finally be a family and all have the same last name. My husband adores my Daughter and naturally my Daughters loves her DAD! The Bio he is extremely upset refusing to sign anything, and not wanting to give up his rights, but he doesnt understand that she is not a baby, and he has never financially taken responsibility for this girl.

My Husband has been her Father all these years that is all she's known, and that is all she wants why cant the Bio Understand that. A man can get a woman pregnant but that doesnt make him a father! it's what my Husband is doing for her that has won her over.

What do you think i should do? i am going thru the grinder with this deadbeat father.

Clodb, your story sounds very similar to mine. My ex got caught up in alcoholism & drugs right around the time our daughter was born and ended up leaving when she was 4 months old. At first he was living in the same town and would take her for a few hours once a week--until I caught him driving drunk with her twice. He moved 300 miles away, and we divorced. He visits her about once a year and on very rare occasion do I receive anywhere near the full amount of child support. I remarried a little over a year ago but my daughter has known my husband since she was about 7 months old. She calls him daddy and my ex is referred to as "her other daddy." He pays her health insurance, helps with discipline, potty training, tucks her in, reads her books, etc. In every way, he is her daddy. My ex is more like some uncle she rarely sees. She's almost four and she knows who he is and knows that he is a daddy too. I can see how much it hurts her that he doesn't come to see her. She's old enough to talk to him on the phone and it's heartbreaking whean she says "I haven't seen you in a long, long time." He says he'll come see her and then for one reason or another, he doesn't. He just served me with papers to try to get his child support reduced, saying he doesn't work in the same field and wants to cut his pay in half to work at a gas station 30 hours a week. I could fight it, but I brought up to him that my husband would like to adopt her. He agreed right away with the stipulation that our daughter always knows that he still loves her. (Of course I never tell her any different.) I told the ex that he is still welcome to phone contact and visits once in a while, just for my daughters sake since she remembers him. It will be up to her when she's older if she wants any contact. I hope that's the right thing to do and not just totally cut off contact. My biggest fear is that if something were to happen to me, she would go to live with him and he is a hardcore alcoholic, a diagnosed manic depressive, and lives with an abusive girlfriend and their new baby. He can't hold a job, handle a simple bank account or keep himself sober. Deep down he's a good person, but he is just simply a mess. He (quote) "enjoys living on fringe of society." I would hate for my daughter to lose the only family she's ever known, my husband and his wonderful family. Anyway, have any of you been in this situation and what do you think about letting him still have contact? Good/bad idea?
(Sorry for the novel!)