Many stepparents are faced with an immense guilt on a day-to-day basis. They do not feel the same deep bond and connection with their stepchildren, or adopted stepchildren, as they do with their biological children. They therefore theorize that they simply do not love the stepchild as much has they do their own biological child. Ashamed and embarrassed by these thoughts and feelings, they keep to themselves, isolated and alone, too afraid to seek help, for fear of being judged as a bad, or worse yet, as a heartless mother.

But the situation is not as bleak, or hopeless as some might think. Of course the feelings of love and a deep connection are going to be different between the biological and the step or adopted stepchildren. A biological child does have a deep connection and bond and connection with his or her biological parents. They have known each other their entire lives, and have learned throughout the years what makes each other tick, and how to mesh each of their personalities accordingly, to make a harmonious household. The child, or children, has been raised to and by the biological parent’s standards and values since day one. In a stepparent situation, you are raising a child whom you have not had the benefit of raising from birth. They have been raised with a different set of rules and values; they have their own personalities, and are often not interested in accepting a new authority figure into their lives. At first stepparents can look more like strangers, or intruders than like parental figures, to the child or children. This can be overcome in time by doing some simple bonding techniques, and by spending a lot of loving, quality time with your step, or adopted stepchild.

The good news is that a deep bond and connection can develop and grow over time with your adopted stepchild, once both parties are truly accepting and open to the idea of a true parent child relationship. With the right tools, techniques, and support, a great parent child relationship can be built between you and your adopted stepchild. But the bond may not feel as though it has reached the same level as a biological child. But just because the bond or love doesn’t feel the same, does not necessarily mean that it isn’t the same. Chances are that you love your children, both biological, and adopted stepchildren, the same, just in different ways. Many stepparents, and adoptive stepparents forget to take a step back and appreciate the little things about their step, or adopted stepchildren. It is often the little things that make them, fun, unique, and special little people. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Do we love our spouses more than our parents? Just because it is a different type of love that you feel for a child, does not mean it is any lesser of a love that you have for that child.