My adopted stepson, now fifteen, for many reasons has a hard time with keeping up with his personal hygiene. Part due to emotional issues, and part of it simply being a teenaged boy, he is often in need of reminding when it comes to things like brushing his hair, or putting on deodorant, so that no one is the house is smelled before they are seen! With teen boys having quite a unique odor all their own, the constant reminders of him needing body spray, or deodorant were really beginning to run down what little self esteem that he did have.

Not as bad as he used to be, but still a sensitive boy, he took comments such as ‘put on some deodorant please,’ more along the lines of ‘gee you stink horribly boy, get out of here!’ And since he needed a daily reminder to be clean, he was in his eyes, getting a daily dose of what he was doing wrong, or what was wrong with him. Since it has taken us quite some time to get what little self esteem he has going, we were quickly disheartened as to how hard he was taking the reminders, and were again feeling stuck as to what to do to get the desired behavior, without him feeling hurt, put down, or not good enough.

Now our home is a split level house. Our bedroom is downstairs, complete with our own bathroom, and the kid’s rooms are upstairs, complete with their own bathroom. While sharing a bathroom with two young boys is not nearly close to being on my list of fun, or desirable things to do, I came up with an idea that I thought, just might work. I grabbed my fairly large pink metal make up case, and carted it upstairs, plopping it onto the counter of the boy’s bathroom. Sliding some of their stuff to the side, I made room for my mountain of girlie stuff, or at least attempted to make room without it looking too cluttered!

Instead of getting myself ready to go in the safety and privacy of my own lovely little bathroom, I would (and yes still do) trek upstairs and announce my plans to the air, or just narrate to the walls what it was I was doing. I would begin by telling the boys that we would be leaving in thirty minutes or so, and then go into my routine of talking to the bathroom, such as “okay I am just gonna put some deodorant on here, so I don’t stink,” and/or “I just need to brush my hair before we leave, so I will feel better about how I look…” These comments made to the bathroom wall made all the difference in the world for my adopted stepson.

Instead of feeling attacked, and as though he had done something wrong, or was the only person in the world with B.O. he would stop what he was doing and say “oh that reminds me, I have to do that too,” and he would come and grab his hair brush, or his deodorant. Instead of feeling harped on, he now is watching someone else do the behavior, and simply picking up on the fact that it is a good idea to do. While it is admittedly a pain to have some things, such as clothes, downstairs, and hair and make up, upstairs, all and all it is easier to run back and forth, up and down, getting ready, than it is to see my adopted stepson feel hurt or upset when he takes comments the wrong way, or feels inadequate simply because he is growing up and needs to take a little more care of himself here and there. By him seeing that we all put deodorant on, brush our teeth and hair, and do not simply wake up fresh as a daisy raring to go, he no longer feels picked up, but simply part of the group.



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