Many times when parents first inquire about a stepparent adoption, the non-custodial parent is still somewhat involved in the child’s life. Either through child support checks alone, or perhaps sporadic visits here and there. One of the first questions that is asked, is how to get rid of the non-custodial parent, so that the stepparent can adopt the child involved.
Sometimes the non-custodial parent is in jail, or is abusive and the custodial parent is trying to move on with his or her life, and provide a stable home-life for his or her children. Yet there are cases, more than one would think, where a custodial parent is looking to purposely remove an involved parent from the life of the child, because the parent is not interested in dealing with the non-custodial parent any longer and wishes for his or her new spouse to adopt the child, just so that he or she no longer has to have contact with their ex.
This is not the way to go about a stepparent adoption! A parent should not be removed from the life of his or her child, simply because the adults no longer wish to deal with one another any longer. This is the very reason that our own parents sat us down as teenagers,(or younger) explained the birds and the bees to us, and warned us to be careful when it came to who we chose to go to bed with. Having a child ties us to the other biological parent for the rest of our lives, like it or not, and simply because the parents have grown out of favor in each others eyes, does not give one the right to decide that the other no longer gets to be a mommy or a daddy any longer.
Now, I am not saying that there are not cases when a parent needs to be removed from their child’s life. Sadly there are parents out there who cannot get their lives on track and be a positive influence on the life of their child. It happens, I know. However, I also know that there are families out there who do their best to drive the non-custodial parent away, making visitations impossible with one stunt or another, or do their best to turn the child against their non-custodial parent.
If you are in a situation where you are thinking of ways to ‘get rid’ of the non-custodial parent so that you may pursue a stepparent adoption, than stepparent adoption is not the right choice for you. If the non-custodial parent is doing things that are not safe for the child to be around, the courts will easily terminate their parental rights, and grant a stepparent adoption. If ways need to be thought up as to how to get rid of a parent, than that parent doesn’t need to be gotten rid of. If it comes down to thinking outside the box to come up with ways to keep the non-custodial parent out of the child’s life, then the non-custodial parent can’t be doing anything all that bad, besides grating on the nerves of the custodial parent.
Forcing a parent out of a child’s life simply due to the parents inability to stomach each other for any length of time, will accomplish one, and only one thing in the end, and that is hurting the child that the parent initially set out to protect.
What some people don’t realize is that the child still wants or thinks of the dad as dad.
I was adopted by my step dad at age 8.
My mother and he divorced when i was 12.
Even though legally he was my father, I always refered to him as my step dad. The change of last name I hated. When i was 35 my “real”
dad adopted me back into the family.
So even though I don’t use it, my birth maiden name is again, my maiden name.
Just becasue he wasn’t around much, and for part of that time lived in another state. My dad was always me dad. I resented like heck that my mother tried to change that.
It is very important to have the child’s input on a stepparent adoption, because if the child is not okay with the idea, then the adoption should not occur, or just as in your case, the child will resent the adoption taking place. When stepparent adoptions are done for the parents involved rather than for the best interest of the child, the child ends up paying a very high price for their parents wishes.
Jeez guys, did anyone have a good experience? My PARENTS (meaning step-dad and mom) adopted both my sister and myself 15 years ago and it was the most meaningful thing anyone has ever done for me in my life! My biological father and I have always had a pathetic, limited relationship, but my Dad has always been there to raise and support me. Now I’m in the position that my husband wants to adopt my 2 children who have not seen or heard from their bio father in 5 years and this thread was really a shock. I know there are bad experiences, but let’s see the good in the
I am new to this site, but desperatly seeking advice from someone who might know how to help me. My son’s biological father is in prison for breking into our home and aggravated stalking steming from a simple assault charge in which he came to my home in an attempt to take my son and assaulted me in the process. Before I get ahead of myself let me give you a little on the background of this situation. The father has been in and out of jail for over 10 years and has drug and alcohol addictions. He was in jail when my son was born and did not get out until my son was about 6 months old. He did go at that time and sign a paternity ackowledgement but he never legitimized him. We seperated about 3 months later and until my son was about a year 1/2 he had very sporatic visits with him and made about 5 $60 child support payments. He was ordered to have no contact with myself or our child for the next 10 years. I have been with my husband since my son was about a year old and he is the only daddy he knows. He is the one to provide ALL support for my child, as I stay at home with our children and he desperatly wants to adpot my son. How does this work? I have a feeling that the father would not agree, just out of pure spite. We are in the state of GA. Does anyone know if I even have grounds for this adoption? Thank you so much!
I need help from someone who adopted a stepchild in Tennessee. Where do I start? Do I have a case? I have many questions. I have been married to my husband be two years in March. I have been in my (step) daughter’s life since I was seventeen and she was she was one and half. She is know eight! I have enjoyed every minute except when she gets her heart broken by her mom or that side of her family. We were awarded custody of her over two years ago with no visitation set for her so called mother because she didn’t show up. We still gave her visitation every other weekend until a year ago when we got a phonecall in the middle of the night from a witness who said she was doing drugs with Trinity next to her watching on the couch. We cut off visitation until she could go into rehab and petition for legal visitation which she has yet to do nor does she ever call to talk to Trinity. Not even on birthdays. I love Trinity as my own and she knows that. She refers to me as mom at school and to her friends. I don’t see her as a stepchild but as my own blood the same as my son. I want to make it legal. What do I do? Where do I start?
My children’s father is a known womanizer/abuser, and drug addict. His current girlfriend and mother of his 7th and 8th children contacted me just this morning. My ex scares the hell out of me. I would not tell him that, but I do believe he already knows this. I have been married for 3 years to one of my best friends for the last 6 years. My husband would stop by before I ever even agreed to date him and see if me or the children need each other. My ex’s girlfriend says that my ex has been clean for 7 months and tells me that he is currently in Jail for lack of child support for another out-of-wedlock child that he donated his “manhood” to. This is the first time that I have heard from either of them in 2 years. I have recieved a total of $85 for both of these children in 9 years. My ex and I were not married when my children were born. I am lost ppl.
I meant to say that my hubby would stop by to see if the kids needed anything not each other. He knew we needed each other.
i have some questions my daughter is now eleven years old and met her biological father right before her seventh birthday since she met him he has hurt her by his absence in her life we havent heard or seen anything from him in two years and before that it was speratically i met my husband when my daughter was five and he has been daddy in every sense of the word my daughter wants to be adopted by my husband so bad she writes her last name as his on all her work at school and introduces herself that way also i cant find her father and all attempts to get his family to contact him for me have ended up pointless he does pay his child support but should that be the only reason he is allowed to be called her father i dont know where to start we live in texas and if any one has any advice or support please contact me jessie121427406@yahoo.com
I really need some advice. My husband wants to adopt my daughter. He loves her and has been there from day one. Now her father, I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing with his life. The last time I heard from him was April 20th, 2009. I have filed for child support to see if they can even contact him. But beyond that he’s never seen her, never talked to her and she just turned 2 years old. Before we separated he never supported her. I got a couple hundred dollars max, but thats about it. I don’t know what to do. Can my husband adopt my daughter legally without his consent?