Holidays seem to always be a rough time for adopted children. With the sense of family and togetherness in the air, it can often leave them with strong thoughts and feelings about the people who are no longer involved in their lives. My adopted stepson has always had a hard time with holidays, this past year or so being the exception. He has finally begun to be able to move forward and enjoy the present, instead of dwelling on the past.

One of the things that we have done for this holiday, July 4th, is to downplay the extended family. Normally my family gets together for just about every holiday there is and has a large celebration. And while my adopted stepson has done wonderfully with all of the holidays so far this year, we thought it would be a good idea to have a party here at the house with neighbors and friends.

We will take the emphasis off of the family, and simply enjoy our friends and have a big neighborhood cookout…in our backyard! While in the past my adopted stepson would be moody and closed off on the day before a holiday, today he cheerfully helped me finish getting the house spic and span for all of our company tomorrow.

If your adopted stepchild has a hard time with holidays, then playing down the days until your child has had time to heal from the past, is a great way to help them to get through the occasions without too much emotional stress. The family can still celebrate whatever holiday it happens to be, but perhaps keep it just the immediate family, or not decorate. Little steps can be taken here and there to show the child that they family is sensitive to his or her needs, while still going on with life and holiday celebrations.

If the child absolutely refuses, or is unable to have a good time and enjoy the day with the rest of the family, then let the child off the hook and hang out in their room, or perhaps there is a friend’s house that the child could go to and celebrate the day with their friend. You can’t force the child to have fun with the family, and trying to do so will only end up destroying the day for everybody involved. For some children it can take years before a holiday is not too emotionally overpowering for them, it is important for parents to understand that these children have been through a lot and may need to distance themselves when it comes to such emotional times, such as holidays.

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