Since this is the stepparent adoption blog, I do tend to focus on the relationship between the adoptive stepparent and the adopted stepchild, but it is also important to remember to focus on the relationship and bonding between the adopted stepchild, and his or her remaining biological parent.
Since the adopted stepchild has already suffered the feelings of loss and abandonment when it comes to one of his or her biological parents, the need and desire for them to mesh well with their remaining parent will be strong one. Fears of being abandoned, or rejected by their remaining parent can cause an adoptive stepchild to intensely need the support and approval of their remaining biological parent.
This is not, of course to say, that the child will no longer hold any value in the relationship that he or she shares with their adoptive stepparent. However, the adoptive stepparent has already made great strides in gaining the child’s trust through the adoption process. The adoptive stepparent chose to be the child’s parent, he or she has over the years, stood the test of time and not packed up and left, the fear of losing a person who willingly signed on for the job, is simply less than the fear of losing the person who had the job handed to him or her, especially since the other person whom had been handed the task of parenting the child, already bailed on them.
The child has most likely not suffered the loss of an adoptive parent, or a stepparent, but he or she has suffered through the loss of a biological parent, and at some point the fear of losing the other biological parent, either through abandonment, rejection, or even disapproval over a minor situation depending on how deep rooted the child’s fears are, will take hold, and the child will need that extra love and support from his or her remaining biological parent.
Adoptive stepparents can still be involved during this time of need in their adopted stepchild’s life. The adoptive stepparent can help to foster the bond between child and biological parent. While it may sting at first to be left out, it is something that both the adopted child, as well as the remaining parent will thank you for in time. Once the child feels secure in his or her attachment and bond with the remaining biological parent, the drive and need for acceptance will no longer be as strong, and the child will once again be able to settle down and focus on growing and maintaining all of his or her relationships, not just the ones that he or she is fearful of losing.