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While one on one bonding is an important aspect of creating strong emotional connections between you and your adopted stepchild, it is important to have family time for everyone to be able to bond as a family unit as well. Families often divide up, with one parent taking care of one child, and the other parent taking charge of another child. While this gives the parents a bit of a break only having to deal with one child at a time, instead of being in charge of all of them at once, it can be easy for the parents to get stuck in a rut with the adults always taking charge of the same child, leaving little chance for the other parent and child to bond.
Spending time together as a family is a great way to show your adopted stepchild that he or she is part of a loving family, and that everyone is involved in each others lives, as well as enforcing how a family behaves and interacts with one and other. In our household if the two boys are left unattended they fight over everything. Yet, if we are all doing an activity together, the two boys will model appropriate behavior with one another, taking their cues from the adults on how to act with each other.
Being the last day of spring break for my grounded adopted stepson; we wanted to do something special as a family. We decided to make some salt clay, and sit down as a family to create some little treasures to bake in the oven and keep for fond memories of a fun day together. With each member of the family at the table focused on their own project, it was easy to keep a casual conversation going from time to time. Everyone was looking down at their clay as they sculpted away, so the conversation was not threatening for my adopted stepson, as eye contact was not required.
The activity also gave everyone wonderful opportunities to compliment each other’s work. Each member of the family received compliments and comments of excitement over their little bits of clay, which they were sculpting into colorful masterpieces. The activity gave everyone a chance to spend time together, talk and laugh, in a very relaxed atmosphere. My adopted stepson was hesitant at first to begin, art not being his specialty, but the gooey substance soon got the best of him, and after a few moments of rolling it around in his hands he was busy molding it into the vision that he had in his head.
Afterwards, when we were all finished and it was time to put them all into the oven to bake everyone pitched in to help clean up. We all commented on what each had made, and made it a point to say how much fun each of us had during the activity. My adopted stepson at one point exclaimed “great idea…whosever it was!” Which is a big compliment from him, since we had to drag him away from downloading new music into his MP3 player. He is grounded from video games, so his MP3 player has become his new best friend, and he was not very willing, to say the least, to give it up for clay. Yet we gently prodded until he closed the laptop and resigned himself to working with the clay. Without giving up hope for a good time, or letting his reluctance ruin the mood, we kept strong, and as I said earlier he came around quite quickly and ended up having a blast both with the clay, as well as the family.
It was wonderful to see everyone working together as a family. It was nice to have everyone focused on the same thing, and simply enjoying one another’s company. Working together as a family unit strengthens the family, allowing each member to bond, as well as learn their role and place inside the family unit, letting them know exactly where they belong, and more importantly the fact that they do, indeed, belong.
