In some cases of stepparent adoption, the adoption takes place when the child is still very young, and either too young to understand what adoption means, or simply too young at the time of the event to remember that an adoption occurred. It is very important for the family to keep the lines of communication open about adoption, and not to keep the adoption a secret from the child. If the adoption is not spoken about on a regular basis, or at the very least, from time to time the parents will find themselves at one point or another wondering just how to tell their child that one of their parents is in fact, not a birth parent. This can be very hard and confusing for a child, and is not to be taken lightly.

If a parent finds him or herself in this very predicament, wondering just how to tell their child that their mother or father is in fact, an adoptive parent, there are several ways that he or she can approach the subject based on the age and maturity level of the child. While it is best to always be open and honest about adoption, sometimes for whatever reason, that simply doesn’t happen, and parents can find themselves gripped with fear as to what to tell their precious child about the past.

While the child may be upset at first, it is important for the parent to not take this to heart, adoption is a huge issue for children, and many are not able to comprehend exactly what it entails and means until much later on in life. It is more a life long process than simply an even that has taken place, and the child’s understanding and acceptance of it will grow and change just has he or she does throughout the years.

Putting together a Lifebook for the child is a great way to introduce school aged children to not only the idea of adoption, but to the specifics about their own adoption. The lifebook can be changed and updated as the child grows, adding more information to the book as the child matures and is able to comprehend is a great way for children to learn about themselves and their own adoption as they grow throughout the years. Saving such items as pictures of the absent birth parent, or the child’s original birth certificate can also help when telling the child about his or her past, and the parent that he or she has little or no memory of.

The parent can also keep their own journal of the adoption process and of the past, choosing to share snippets of it from time to time when the child has questions about the past and his or her adoption. Just be sure that the information in the journal is not too emotionally heavy for a child to handle, if the remaining parent has a lot of hard feelings towards the other parent it may not be healthy for the child to hear about it, as it will jade the child’s feelings and thoughts towards their absent parent, instead of letting the child come to terms with their own adoption, and forming his or her own opinion of the absent birth parent.

If a parent if very concerned about telling their child about a stepparent adoption, and is not sure how best to bring the subject up, getting a counselor whom is familiar with adoption related issues can be a wonderful resource for helping a family open up about a stepparent adoption in a safe and helpful environment. A counselor will be able to help the child through the different stages of grief and acceptance as he or she comes to terms with the idea of adoption, and comes to understand why he or she was adopted, as well as why he or she is just now learning about it. Adoption news does not get better with age, and the earlier that the parents begin talking about it, the easier that it will be on the child to accept and understand in every respect.

It is always important for the parents to be the ones to tell the child that he or she was adopted, as you do not want the child to hear it from anywhere else first. This can be a devastating and hurtful blow to a child whom comes home in tears wanting to know why so and so said that mom or dad was not his or her real mom or dad. If parents are apprehensive to bring the subject up to the child, they can begin with talking about adoption in general for a few days, or weeks, here and there to get the child used to the subject, before bringing up the more personal details and motivations about why the subject has been brought up.

The parents can also begin going through old photos of the child when he or she was younger, as well as a photo or two of the child’s biological parent, or even the child’s adoptive parent and the young child together letting the child know, this is when you and mommy met daddy, or vice versa. When the child has questions about how he or she could meet their own parent, this is when the parent can begin to tell the child about his or her own adoption experience, why it was necessary, and why the parent has felt the need to keep it quiet until now. If the child is still fairly young, going into why he or she is just now learning about the adoption may not be necessary, as he or she may just be at the point of understanding adoption.

Most importantly it is important for the parent to be honest with his or her child and answer any and all questions that the child may have about his or her adoption openly, and without making the child feel as though they are prying. After all it is the child’s own past that he or she is inquiring about and has a right to know what occurred and why, on an age appropriate level.

As hard as it may be for the parent to open up and speak with their child about their own stepparent adoption, the sooner that the parent opens up, and the younger that the child is, the easier it will be for all involved to get through the initial conversation and for the child to be able to accept the idea of adoption and begin to understand his or her own past and exactly what adoption means to themselves and their family.