Birthday Blues Turns Into Good News

My adopted stepson turns 15 tomorrow. I just cannot believe where the time has gone, it seems like just yesterday he was this little shy 8 year old boy that I was meeting for the first time. Of course that shy exterior didn’t last long, and soon after meeting him all of his emotional and behavioral problems and issues came screaming out at top speed, but I guess that didn’t stop me, since here we are today, he has been adopted, and getting ready to turn 15, and learn how to drive.

Learn how to drive, that in itself is a scary sentence for me to type, say, or even think! I don’t think that he is quite ready yet, but soon here, yes soon, he will be getting behind the wheel of a car and driving down the road, again how could the time have gone by this fast, especially when the hard days go by so slowly?

In the past, he would begin to act out about the end of October. The school would begin to call with issues; his grades would begin to slip, all while at home it was like living with Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hyde, fine one minute, and raging angry the next. His abandonment issues would surface and he would simply become impossible to deal with, or rather it was impossible to WANT to deal with him! We would trudge through the holidays, trying to make the best of things for the rest of the family, while he would go about doing his best to sabotage the holidays for not only himself, but for everyone else as well.

The past two years he has gotten considerably better. His acting out was slowly moving towards November, and then to the end of November, which has been wonderful. This year to our amaze and wonderment, there was no real issue until just before his birthday. He got a detention at school, which is not like Mr. Honor Roll at all, and missed the bus twice, once on the way to school, and once on the way home from school. His head just wasn’t where it should have been, and we knew that it was time to have a heart to heart with him.

We sat him down after dinner this past Friday, after busying the little one with a movie, and began to ask him what was wrong. At first he began his typical, “I don’t know,” routine, but we quickly let him know that this was not about him getting in trouble, and that the only way that we could help him, was if he would let us in, and tell us what was bothering him. To our surprise, for really the first time, or at least the first time in a very long time, he opened up, and slowly began to spill it out, word by painstaking word, what was on his mind.

Part of the issue was that he was fearful of being 15 all together. It had hit him like a ton of bricks just how old he was getting, and how soon adulthood was creeping up on him, and it was, and most likely still is scaring the pants off of him. The other issue, of course was being abandoned by his birthmother. Part of him was missing her, while part of him still absolutely hates her, and those two parts simply have an all out battle during the holiday season, which just happens to include his birthday as well.

We were so proud of him for opening up, and told him so many times. We explained to him the best that we could that even grown ups make mistakes, and his life, his past is not his fault at all. That we love him and we are here for him, and even though his birth mom is not here for him, she still does love him. We talked for quite some time, and afterwards both my husband and myself each got the strongest most loving hugs that I think we have ever gotten from my adopted stepson. It was a wonderful talk, and I am glad that we not only had it, but that my adopted stepson finally grabbed the opportunity to allow others in and to help him with his emotions. It was a wonderful talk, and will be a cherished memory I believe, for all of us.

Tomorrow we will be having a large celebration with 8 people all together. We are going to a place where they do an entire medieval reenactment while you eat dinner. My adopted stepson will love it, I am sure of it. I am going to decorate the house while he is sleeping so that when he wakes up for school tomorrow he will see everything. I am sure it will be a wonderful treat for him as well. We have come such a long way over the years, through everything the good and the bad, it has all simply made us stronger, both individually, as well as, as a family unit. I cannot wait to celebrate tomorrow and show the world how much we adore and celebrate the day that our son came into the world!

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