With stepparent adoptions being a streamlined process in most states, it can leave parents with a very positive feeling about adoption. Even when the process is long, drawn out and riddled with problems, many parents still have warm feelings towards adoption simply because of the end result, the adoption of their stepchild. Our family has always been interested in adoption, and is thinking of doing it again.

While my adopted stepson has had many behavioral and emotional issues; which stemmed from the lack of stability in his early life, and by his biological mother walking out on him, we were able to muddle through them as a family and come together in the end in such a positive manner that we are crazy enough to want to do it all over again! We’ve already had friends and family members scratch their heads at the mention of taking on another ‘damaged older child’ (not an actual statement merely a generalization of all comments and looks combined) when we have gotten my adopted stepson to such a stable place? After all when you finally get yourself out of a maze, why turn around and go back in?

Well, first of all, if we have been through the maze once already, we will have a general idea on which way to go the second time around. Sure we won’t remember every turn to take, mistakes will be made, and there will be new and different paths to take, but we will have at least some idea on where we should be heading this time around. I already have experience parenting, raising and loving a child whom is in no way biologically related to me, nor did I raise him from an infant on. I met him at eight, and began raising him full time at nine. Initially we thought about doing an international adoption, but every time my husband and I discuss the idea of adding a new sibling to the family, we always gravitate back to adopting from the foster care system, as we feel our parenting experience will be most suited to the children who are waiting for families.

Our youngest son, all of five years old, is completely open and excited about the idea of more siblings to play with, fight with, share with, annoy, and then play with again. My fifteen-year-old adopted stepson however, seems a little more hesitant about the idea. Still a little unsure about his place and security in the family the idea of a new sibling instantly seems to fill him with fear, jealousy, and a small sense of teenage dread when he thinks about the idea of another rug rat to keep out of his room.

We had initially thought of waiting until he went away to college before adopting another child, but that would leave him with little time to really get to know, and bond with him new sibling. Within the last year he has grown much friendlier, towards his brother, and more interested in being a big brother. He has taken an interest in the children that we baby-sit from time to time as well, helping me out if he sees I could use a hand, as well as just helping the little ones out and playing with them for brief periods of time.

After thinking about the pros and cons of waiting to adopt another child we came to the conclusion that we would rather have the kids get on each other’s nerves while they are home together and learning about each other, than have them always be cordial with one another because they never really got to know each other due to the age gap between them. With some open and honest communication, involving him in the process, and assuring him that his place in this family is forever, I think that his fears about a new sibling taking all of mom and dad’s love will fade, and the excitement that he has over the idea of a new sibling to play with and boss around will be able to shine through!