When we told our family that my husband and I were expecting a baby, you could have heard a pin drop in the room. It’s not that everyone was unhappy with the news, as a cancer survivor I had been told that I would not be able to have children, yet became pregnant shortly after finishing my chemotherapy. Everyone was absolutely shocked, and then absolutely thrilled, except of course for my [then] stepson.

He was the only child in the house, and was quite happy with that. He had been pushed aside greatly after his biological mother had had another baby, and he was terrified of history repeating itself once again. He did not want another sibling, and certainly not one that he had to live with on a daily basis. After finding out that he had been beat with a belt at his mother’s home for waking his younger brother we began to realize how deep his fear of younger siblings and how his life would change really was, and it was certainly justified.

The entire family was wonderful about including my adopted stepson in every aspect of becoming a full time big brother. Every time a gift was brought over for the baby, there was a little something for the big brother as well. He was included on important decisions, such as what theme the nursery should be, what type of bottles we would use, and which stroller was the coolest. Being involved in the decision making processes made him feel like an important part of the family, and more connected to his unborn brother, and being remembered by everyone who was happily buying for the new addition, helped him to feel more secure in his place in the family.

We had many discussions about all of the things that he would be able to teach his younger brother, and talked about the things that his brother would not do, such as go into his big brother’s room and touch his stuff when big brother was at school. This had happened to him before and he was quite scared that his treasured belongings would either be broken, or just given to the baby when he wasn’t home. He was assured before the baby was born that unless my adopted stepson invited his younger brother into his room, that he would not go in there, and five years later we have held true to that.

He may have been apprehensive about a new brother at first, but now after so many years have passed I would say that my adopted stepson has grown a healthy tolerance for, I mean attachment to his younger brother! Once he was able to see that he wasn’t simply going to be tossed aside for the newest child in the family, as had been done before, he began to de-stress about having a younger brother around all the time.


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