Ah Mother’s Day, one of the absolutely most dreaded days of the year in the world of older child adoption. A day that signifies the importance of having a mother in our lives, and to honor her for all that she lovingly does for her family, as well as a day for children who were adopted at an older age to look back into the past, and to feel that deep pain and loss of a mother who is no longer in their lives.

Many adopted children dread this day and what it stands for. Not yet possessing the ability to look at what they have in their lives in the here and now, they brood over the past, they brood over the fact that they are not with their birthmother on this day, and they resent the fact that a ‘stranger’ was more willing to be a mother to them, than their biological mother was. Mother’s Day is a day that is typically downplayed in the older child adoption community, our family being included in that strategy.

Normally during this time of year, my adopted stepson tends to get very emotional, and not in the 'touchy feely I love you' way, but in the ‘I hate the world and everything in it,’ way. He tends to act out at home, as well as at school, and by the time the actual holiday rolls around; no one is really interested in celebrating anymore. Yet this year, well this year was knock your socks off different.

This year we had no calls from the school, no stern or desperate emails from teachers, no bad grades, as well as an unusually pleasant teenager around the house. Instead of hiding out in his room he was actively involved in the family, helping out with dinner, actually being nice to his little brother, and just helping out around the house in general. On the morning of Mother’s Day the moment I peeked out of the room and my adopted stepson got a glimpse of my messy bed head at the bottom of the steps he instantly shouted “Happy Mother’s Day!” I said thank you, and proceeded back into my room to get over the shock! He and his father were wrapping presents at the table, so I couldn’t have gone upstairs anyway, which was good, because I was seriously taken completely off guard by his openness to the day.

We had a wonderful brunch with the extended family, with plenty of food, laughter, and smiles to go around, but the best was yet to come. At the end of the day, while sitting around the table for a lovely family dinner of pizza, I took the opportunity to thank everyone for such a wonderful day. Without missing a beat, my adopted stepson turned to me with a smile saying “thank you for being such a wonderful mom.” My heart filled with so much love, pride and joy, at that moment that I could have burst right then and there, and even now simply typing it out, I am brought to tears of utter joy and a feeling of complete contentment.

After helping him with his homework today, he asked if he could go on the walk that I take each evening at seven with the neighbor. I informed him that I had already rung her doorbell and she was still out shopping, yet completely undefeated he paced around the room for about ten seconds before literally blurting out that we could "just…go together." So off we went, just the two of us down to the pond to search for frogs, a pastime that we have shared together since he was nine.

After so many years of dreading this holiday, this year I was given a gift that I never would have expected. The day that usually puts so much distance between the two of us pulled us together very tightly, and very quickly. This year he was able to embrace the life that he has now, and not mourn the past, or become stuck in the idea of what could have been. This year I felt completely accepted, as ‘mom’ and I couldn’t have asked for, nor received a better Mother’s Day gift.

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