Behavioral Problems

In the past few weeks, there have been quite a few posts on here about food hoarding, sneaking food, and the frustration that parents face, when dealing with such behaviors. For some children there is a legitimate fear of running out of food, so they stash some just in case, while for other children, sneaking treats is nothing more than a control battle. This is something that we have dealt with in our own home for quite some time. When my adopted stepson was very young, there was often very little food. While he always had something to eat, there were quite a few times in his young life, when what was available for consumption was not necessarily desirable, nor filling… [more]

At the end of this year, my adopted stepson will be sixteen years old. He has yet to get his driver's permit and is simply itching to do so, so that he may begin driving while he is sixteen, along with the rest of his friends. His maturity level have definitely grown, so much so in fact that we brought home the driver's test study guide for him and told him to get his proof of enrollment form so that we could take him up to the local DMV and get him a learners permit for driving. As any young teenager would be, he was absolutely thrilled, yet each and every time we come close to taking him up to the DMV, he does something that he knows will… [more]

Traumatized children exhibit many less than desirable behaviors, as they try to process their emotions surrounding the events that have happened in their life in which they had no control over. While these behaviors may put some parents off from adopting and making their stepchild officially their legal child through a stepparent adoption, if it is looked at in a different light, traumatized children can expand your knowledge in so many aspects of life that it is simply amazing. Patching drywall. Now how many parents out there had absolutely no idea how to patch a hole in the wall before their child put one there in a rage? Genius of Disorders. Again, all of that knowledge of disorders, behaviors, and treatments that parents spend countless hours… [more]

Today my wonderful husband not only got off work early, but stopped off at the store and picked up the Apple laptop that I have been pinning over for the last few years, along with the photography software that I have been wanting as well. My adopted stepson overheard the phone call where my husband was excitedly spilling the beans of what he was bringing home for me, and instantly jealousy began to take over my teenager. Yet instead of the typical childish jealousy response of “I never get anything,” he was beating himself up over his own choices this past school year which led him to being stuck in summer school for a good part of the summer, preventing him… [more]

When children have been abandoned by one of their birth parents, they are going to be left with a lot of unresolved feelings, anger, hurt, confusion, and etc. leaving them with some degree of anger issues. The children do not know how to express what they are feeling, their world seems to be spinning out of control, and the child is powerless to do anything about it, so they lash out with anger. These anger issues can manifest themselves in different ways. The children can become overly defiant, refusing to do the most simple of tasks, simply because it was requested of them to do. They can become passive aggressive, agreeing… [more]

In the very beginning of our journey together as a family, my adopted stepson’s mother was still somewhat involved in his life. Both phone calls and visits were sporadic, and usually ended in nasty fights and my adopted stepson in tears. We did our best to mediate between the two of them when my adopted stepson would refuse to speak with her, sitting down with him and finding out why he was upset, then calling her to give her his side of the story and then to hear hers, and then try to get him to calm down enough to speak with her. Of course there were times too, when she would refuse to speak with him, and then we… [more]

Sure you may think that you live with a lazy, or less than enthusiastic worker, but I tell you now that they all report to my adopted stepson. Yes ladies and gentlemen he is without a doubt their leader, the absolute king of the ‘just enough to get by’ club. He has one chore in the house, and that is to do dishes, and I tell you it is like pulling teeth to get him to do it. He will space the dishes out in the dishwasher so that the most minimal amount of dishes will fit in, turning one solid load of dishes into two, sometimes three. Sure… [more]

While it is never a good idea to bottle up emotions, many of us, either children or adults do it. While keeping emotions locked up inside is never a good idea, causing them only to fester and grow, often eating us alive from the inside out, once we have been traumatized by a life altering event, it can be difficult if not seemingly impossible for us to share even the safest of emotions. Once trust and faith in others has been shattered, there seems to be little reason for us to open up and expose ourselves to that type of possible trauma once again. Some say that time heals all wounds, but for traumatized persons, this is not always the case… [more]

As adoptive stepparent we deal with a lot of our own emotions surrounding the child’s absent parent, the child, our relationship with the child, and adoption itself. We also know that our adopted stepchildren deal with their own emotions surrounding the same issues, and that adoption touches their lives as deeply, if not more, than it touches our own. We, as adults, can understand and process more about adoption, where as the children really have limited understanding and processing ability, learing about adoption and their own lives and experience with adoption as they grow. While adoption should be part of the child’s life, it is important that the parents of the child not… [more]

With the large age gap between our two boys, one would think that they would get along well. One would assume that with the oldest boy being fifteen, and the youngest being four, that they would either be able to find a few things to do together, or that they would ignore one and other for the most part not being able to find common ground. Now we have many days where the boys do not play a lot with one and other, yet there are other days where all they do is fight with each other over absolutely everything! This is not to say that they do not have their moments and times when the… [more]