Trust

My adopted stepson is still struggling with getting all of his worked done, and turned in on time, and with the end of the quarter quickly approaching there isn't much time left to get any work turned in that the teachers will still accept. He is getting up there in his teen years, and we are at a point in his little life where we are planning for his future, and poor grades are simply not going to look good on any college application! He would like to go to college, and even possibly the military, yet seems to be reluctant to do the steps that it takes to achieve either one of those goals. We know that he has the smarts to do whatever it is… [more]

When children have been traumatized by the events that they cannot control in their lives, their first recourse is often to act out as much as possible. With so much chaos going on in their lives, they seek control in any way that they can, making mountains out of molehills and digging their heels in over frivolous matters. This can be very draining for parents to deal with on a daily basis, in fact it is draining for parents to have to deal with day in and day out, and can often lead to the parents doing absolutely everything themselves, rejecting help that is offered by the child, to prevent getting sucked into a situation of control battle after control battle, and… [more]

Stepchildren whom have been abandoned by one of their birth parents, and adopted later in life by a loving stepparent tend to have a lot of trust issues towards both of their parents, both biological as well as adoptive. Children, who have grown up always knowing their adoptive stepparent as mom or dad, can still have trust issues, but it seems to be less significant than in those who were adopted at a later age. Adopted stepchildren can be reluctant to trust their remaining biological parent, perhaps blaming them for their other biological parents absence in their life, or out of fear of their remaining biological parent abandoning them just the same as their non-custodial birth parent did. They can… [more]

Emotionally damaged children can, and often do, close themselves off, not wanting to let others in for fear of getting hurt all over again. Doing their best to keep others out so as not to bond again and risk the pain of rejection, they can become extremely resistant to touch. Touching helps us to form deeper connections with one and other, to help us to connect with the world outside of ourselves, and to help reassure one another that everything is okay and that each is loved by the other. All of these emotions can be too great for an emotionally damaged child to handle, and they may shy away from touch, or outwardly reject it altogether. In our own home… [more]

Along with the rejection of his birth mother, came a lot of emotional issues for my adopted stepson. Not wanting to become close with others who could potentially hurt him by leaving, or pushing him away, he became closed off emotionally. He did not react appropriately in social situations, there was no laugh when something funny happened, no sympathy when there was a sad event, there was in effect, nothing. He was nothing more than a blank stare for many years. He was so shut down that it was actually evident on his face that there was little more than a shell of a child there. While he was affectionate when I first met him, the ultimate rejection… [more]

This was a real fear of my adopted stepson concerning his birthmother when she was still somewhat involved in his life. He had a big fear that for some reason she would show up at his school, take him out and then disappear with him. With her rarely showing up for the visits that were scheduled, we were not sure where this fear came from, but nevertheless it was there, and my husband and I were having a difficult time convincing my adopted stepson that he was safe, and that no one was going to take him away from us. He did have an unstable childhood bouncing around between caregivers for quite a few years, almost constantly on the move and that… [more]

Since his birth mother eventually chose not to be in his life, and for the first part of his life his father was stationed overseas in the military, my adopted stepson has large fears of abandonment. During his early years he was raised by his paternal grandmother while his father was overseas, and unfortunately do to the work he was doing, he rarely had a chance to come home, leaving him little opportunity to get to know his son until he was about four years old. And while he loved being in the military dearly he knew the toll it was taking on his family, so when it came time to reenlist or move on, with a heavy heart he chose… [more]

When my adopted stepson was having a lot of behavioral issues, we were running out of ideas as to how to get through to him how important trust was, and how he needed to earn it, and to keep it. Having an unstable childhood and many adults in his life let him down, he did not trust others easily; well really he did not trust anyone at all. He was a very angry boy and was acting out in school, and at home. Whatever rule was put down, he would do his best to find his way around it, either by finding a loophole in the exact wording that we had used to instate the rule, or… [more]

To Read Part One Please Click Here He even relaxed his shoulders as I rubbed the cool gel on his back, and both of us could feel that the tension between us was fading away. I have had the pleasure of being requested to rub lotion on him a total of three times so far, and it couldn’t make me happier. We spend the majority of the day cleaning out, and organizing his closet together, talking, joking, and finally acting as a true family. Now when I look at him, I see a completely different boy than before. I do not see a hopeless case, I see never ending potential, locked away in the jumbled mess of all the things that he… [more]

Yes that is right, a pretty pink sunburn all over my adopted stepson is what was finally able to break the invisible wall of uncertainty that the two of us had build up around one and other. I, afraid that he would reject me as his mother figure, withdrew from him in order to protect myself from getting hurt. He, scared that I would not accept him as a true son, held himself away from me, never allowing me a peek inside the real him. The two of us had become locked into a circle of mistrust, and fear. The two of us, each too fearful to extend the first olive branch of love, forgiveness and acceptance, to the other, began sinking farther and… [more]