Yesterday I, unfortunately had to go to traffic court. That's right, the beautiful, wonderful, and perfect Julie, was not so perfect last week and was nabbed for speeding. Being the sensitive soul that I am, being pulled over for not paying attention to how fast I was going was absolutely devastating for me, and the poor officer had to pause several times in his explanation of what papers he needed from me, and where I needed to appear (there are no mail in tickets in our town, you must appear in court, yikes even more scary) because I was sobbing so hard that he knew I could not hear him. I tend to take my mistakes very hard, and this was my first ticket as an adult; all I could see was... more

There is a fairly wide agreement in the adoption community that open adoption is the best (to date) type of adoption, especially in domestic infant adoptions. The general feeling is that in an open adoption, the child can grow up knowing all of his or her parents, and speak to their birth parent(s) directly throughout their childhood, about their adoption and all of the issues, emotions, and questions that go along with it.

While open adoption seems to currently be the most preferred type of infant adoption arrangements, the idea is spilling over into... more

There is a lot of debate in the adoption world over what labels the parents of the child should be called, and both sides have strong issues with just about every label either side has been able to come up with. The term natural parent, to some, implies that the adoptive parents are somehow ‘unnatural’ parents, so that term is offensive. Yet birthparent, especially birthmother, is highly offensive to others making them feel as though they are nothing more than a breeder supplying babies to childless couples. Each side wants a term that recognizes the importance of that set of parents,... more

No, I don’t mean letting your child pick the terms on which he or she will be raised, but rather the terms that he or she will use when referring to his or her birth parents. Adoptive parents usually have a term that they are more comfortable using than others when it comes to what to call the biological parent(s) that are no longer in the child’s life. Birth parents, first parents, natural parents, real parents, and biological parents are the terms that are ... more

There is a wonderful little list on adoption.com that has ten tips on speaking with your child about his or her adoption. The list gives some great suggestions on not only what to say, but more importantly how to say it. If you are thinking about talking with your child about his or her stepparent adoption, and not quite sure how to approach the subject, or if you should approach the subject, stop by this... more

Yesterday I wrote about some different ways to approach the subject of adoption with your adopted stepchild. One of the ideas on broaching the topic was to read stories about adoption with your adopted stepchild. Adoption.com has a wonderfully written, and heartwarming story written by Mark Schneider, for his adopted children, about their own adoption and how their family came to be. While writing a story for your child is an excellent idea, those... more

Very young children may not be able to understand what adoption truly means, but they will be able to pick up on mom or dad’s body language, and if the parents seem uncomfortable, and nervous, then the child will feel the same way. Children should not feel uncomfortable about their adoption. It is part of them, and their life story, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. If the parents seem confident and upbeat, the child will feel the same, and have no issues bringing the topic back up when they have more questions. If the child feels that his or... more

Again on the adoption.com forums, this is a hot topic. Some lawyers require that the child be told before they will go forward with a stepparent adoption case, some families get pressure from friends and family members, and some parents are simply not sure as to when the right time to ‘reveal’ to the child that he or she is adopted should be. Some feel that waiting is best, while others want things out in the open as soon as possible, and are just unsure... more

In some cases of stepparent adoption, the adoption takes place when the child is still very young, and either too young to understand what adoption means, or simply too young at the time of the event to remember that an adoption occurred. It is very important for the family to keep the lines of communication open about adoption, and not to keep the adoption a secret from the child. If the adoption is not spoken about on a regular basis, or at the very least, from time to time the parents will find themselves at one point or another wondering just how to tell their... more

Much like a mix between a time line and a scrapbook, lifebooks can be a wonderful tool for adopted children to learn about, and understand their adoption, and the events that lead up to it. They give the child a chance to go back through their own histories and learn about themselves and the life that they have led. Year by year more information can be added to give the child more and more detail about what happened and why, but at an age appropriate level. Often times, children become apprehensive to talk about their adoption. Afraid to hurt the feelings of adoptive parents, or other family members, they keep questions and unresolved feelings locked up inside themselves. But by... more