With running a support group for stepparents for several years now, as well as marrying a man with a child, whom I eventually adopted, I have had experience in many different types of divorce situations. Divorce is a sticky issue all on its own, but then throw in the eventual abandonment of the child by the non-custodial parent, and you have quite a mess in you little hands, with everyone looking towards you, to fix it.

In almost every divorce situation that I have researched, seen, read about, or followed along with support on my stepparent support group I... more

Often times when it comes to parenting, punishments are dished out to children, not so much to teach them a lesson, but more for the parent feel justified, and, or vindicated. Unfortunately many parents punish their child, or children, while still angry, coming down harder on the child, than they would if they had taken the time to calm down and think about the entire situation, BEFORE deciding on what the child’s fate should be.

There is a large difference between punishing a child, and giving a child an appropriate consequence... more

In a previous post I had talked about the usefulness of positive reinforcement, when it comes to parenting emotionally damaged children. Well, in weeks past, I have also written of my adopted stepson, and how far he has come, as well as all the recent awards and trips he has won for academic excellence.

Well you if want to talk about some positive reinforcement! My parents watched both my boys for me, overnight, Saturday night, so that my husband and I could go out to the theatre and then spend the night in town at a hotel, to celebrate my husband’s birthday.... more

I discussed in an earlier article, about using positive reinforcement and natural consequences with emotionally damaged children. But for some parents, the term “natural consequence” leaves them feeling a little confused as to exactly what is that term means.

The basic concept of a natural consequence is to really to step back and let nature take its course. If the child is supposed to do laundry in order to be able to have clean clothes for a special event on the weekend,... more

Emotionally damaged children are extremely hard to parent. They do everything in their power to cause pain, annoyance, and anger to anyone who tries to show them love. Too scared to accept the ideas of love and trust, the child pushes everyone who cares about him or her away, as far away as possible.

Emotionally damaged children are very good at finding out what people’s buttons are, and then doing whatever it takes to make all those buttons go off. Every once and a while they will settle down, and start to act as though progress has been made, but only long enough... more

Many children who were adopted at an older age often have very low self-esteem, stemming from their abandonment issues that they have with either one or both birth parents. They often feel as though they are bad, unlovable, and constantly in the way. Blaming themselves for no longer being with their birth parents, they hold a horrible self-image of themselves.

Punishing an older adopted child can reinforce their self-image of being bad. If their behavior is always focused on as bad, the child will perceive him or herself as such. When a parent is constantly harping... more

My adopted stepson is thriving! I couldn’t be more proud of him if I tried! I cannot believe the change that has occured in him, since the adoption was final, and he has had the constant stability of our family in his life. It truly amazes me how far he has come, and what a wonderful young man there was hiding underneath all of that pain and anger.

He came home from school today with his head tilted slightly down, and a small frown on his face. As he is handing me the mail, I ask him how his day was. Very quietly he wispers out that it... more

Many children who have been adopted at an older age can carry with them an extraordinary amount of emotional issues and baggage. Dealing with the adopted child’s emotional, and or behavioral issues can become an all-consuming job, sucking the life, fun, and energy out of the family.

In a stepparent adoption situation, the child may try to play one parent against the other. Pitting the adoptive stepparent and the biological parent against one and other. Many children with emotional and behavioral issues try, and all too often succeed, with using the divide... more

While it is important to integrate the adoptive stepparent into the adopted stepchild’s life, and that the two form a strong parent child bond with one and other, it is also important to remember and to respect the absent birth parent. The adopted stepchild is part of that missing parent, so by not acknowledging or respecting that birth parent, you are doing the same thing to part of your adopted stepchild.

While the adopted stepchild may be angry at his or her birth parent now, for abandoning him or her, those feelings may change in the future. As the child grows... more

So my husband brought up the subject of preschool the other day, in reference to our three year old. I knew that it was coming, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks in the stomach when he said it. After processing the whole idea for a few days, I decided to sit down at the computer and do a serious search. The final push was in the car today, when my three year old, actually flat out asked me if he could go to school. How could I possibly say no to those little blue eyes, when they ask so sweetly? Especially when followed by “oh mommy, please, please!” My hands... more